Dear Washington Capitals,
Hi, how are you. We think that we should get a dog. By we we mean you. We think you should get a dog.
Everyone else has a dog, and we think it would be good if we had a dog too. Whole bunches of sports teams have rescue dogs now that they trot out to make people happy, plus they take good care of them and then find happy homes for them, and that sounds like something the Caps could absolutely get down with.
If you want us to help with the dog, we will. The dog can sleep in my bed if it wants, I don’t even care.
Please allow me to elaborate.