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Can we get a dog

By Peter Hassett

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September 12, 2019 8:17 am

Dear Washington Capitals,

Hi, how are you. We think that we should get a dog. By we we mean you. We think you should get a dog.

Everyone else has a dog, and we think it would be good if we had a dog too. Whole bunches of sports teams have rescue dogs now that they trot out to make people happy, plus they take good care of them and then find happy homes for them, and that sounds like something the Caps could absolutely get down with.

If you want us to help with the dog, we will. The dog can sleep in my bed if it wants, I don’t even care.

Please allow me to elaborate.

First, everyone else has a dog:

The Wild have a dog.

The Blues have a dog.

The Sharks have a dog.

The Lightning have a dog.

The Coyotes just got a dog this week.

It’s getting to the point that it’s almost weird that we (again: we is you here) don’t have a dog. People are getting suspicious. “Do the Capitals even like dogs?” they are saying to each other in hushed tones in darkened alleys. We can prove them wrong in one easy step:

  1. Get a dog.

You might be asking why we (i.e. you, i.e. the Washington Capitals) should get a dog. Okay.

Why we should get a dog

  1. All our friends have one. We have covered this already.
  2. The boys have been good all summer with only a very few exceptions.
  3. The boys are famously good with dogs.
  4. We promise to walk the dog every day, even early in the morning.
  5. The boys probably miss Andre. A dog would have similar conversation skills.
  6. Modeling responsible dog ownership based in adoption, foster, and rescue encourages the same behavior in others and is a driving factor in lowering levels of euthanasia in recent years.
  8. Dogs make us happy.

This is the very last thing left on the planet no one is cynical about. It’s just dogs.

I know for a FACT that our friends at Homeward Trails have lots of sweet and loving dogs, doggos, puppers, pupperinos, and good dogs available for adoption right now. The Caps have been so good over the years at raising money for them with the calendar, but it’s time to take the next step.

So: Ted, Dick, Brian, Zach, Todd, Alex, and everybody else: Can we got a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please

Thank you for your time.

Signed,
Literally everyone

p.s. here are some pictures of Tom with dogs, just so you can see how good he will be with the dog.

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