Dear Washington Capitals,
Hi, how are you. We think that we should get a dog. By we we mean you. We think you should get a dog.
Everyone else has a dog, and we think it would be good if we had a dog too. Whole bunches of sports teams have rescue dogs now that they trot out to make people happy, plus they take good care of them and then find happy homes for them, and that sounds like something the Caps could absolutely get down with.
If you want us to help with the dog, we will. The dog can sleep in my bed if it wants, I don’t even care.
Please allow me to elaborate.
First, everyone else has a dog:
The Wild have a dog.
— Minnesota Wild (@mnwild) August 19, 2019
The Blues have a dog.
— St. Louis Blues 🏆 (@StLouisBlues) June 26, 2019
The Sharks have a dog.
— San Jose Sharks (@SanJoseSharks) August 26, 2019
The Lightning have a dog.
Hi, #Bolts fans! Meet Bolt. 🐶
— Tampa Bay Lightning (@TBLightning) August 6, 2019
The Coyotes just got a dog this week.
We partnered with @nadiassist to adopt Luna.
We will train her in housing, vetting, obedience, socialization to all environments & individuals as well as proper service dog etiquette & public access manners. Once Luna completes training, she will be given to a veteran in need.🖤 pic.twitter.com/gniMehjZQe
— Arizona Coyotes (@ArizonaCoyotes) September 9, 2019
It’s getting to the point that it’s almost weird that we (again: we is you here) don’t have a dog. People are getting suspicious. “Do the Capitals even like dogs?” they are saying to each other in hushed tones in darkened alleys. We can prove them wrong in one easy step:
You might be asking why we (i.e. you, i.e. the Washington Capitals) should get a dog. Okay.
This is the very last thing left on the planet no one is cynical about. It’s just dogs.
I know for a FACT that our friends at Homeward Trails have lots of sweet and loving dogs, doggos, puppers, pupperinos, and good dogs available for adoption right now. The Caps have been so good over the years at raising money for them with the calendar, but it’s time to take the next step.
So: Ted, Dick, Brian, Zach, Todd, Alex, and everybody else: Can we got a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please can we get a dog please
Thank you for your time.
p.s. here are some pictures of Tom with dogs, just so you can see how good he will be with the dog.
RMNB is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)– unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.