The offseason is now in full swing. The Cup has been won, the beards shaved, the players re-signed. Aside from the continuing adventures of the Stanley Cup, there’s not a whole lot happening in the hockey world. Until now! Presenting a new series in which we will finally understand the true nature of the world champion 2017-18 Washington Capitals through the prism of stupid popular culture. I’m calling it Not Up For Debate because everyone everywhere will agree that these are the universal consensus picks.
In this episode: What if the Caps enrolled at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters?
Tactical genius. Leadership. Doesn’t season his food enough.
Fan-favorite but underpowered.
He’s gonna wolf out next season; we’re gonna see less of Rhane Bowey. I’m calling it.
Seems powerless, but I’m not so sure.
Couldn’t play 106 games and 2600-plus minutes last season without being tough.
Can we please stop retconning Chorney please?
Because Sabretooth is just a bottom-six Wolverine.
Treated as a sidekick, but there’s so much more there.
Unless there is a horse-themed X-Man I don’t know about it.
This seems like a random pick until…
…ahh okay now I get it.
Poor ol’ Toad.
You know why.
Next-gen superstar with, um, explosive top-end skill.
The opposite of a maverick, Niskanen is a real cool customer. ugh puns.
Pretty skater with a lot of flash.
Universally adored for his mysterious power that no one can really explain to me.
Much like Oshie’s long-term contract, Bishop will one day betray his team.
Low center of gravity plus a bezerker level of damage output.
Appeared incognito as a replacement-tier player until the playoffs. It’s a long con.
I know what you’re thinking: why not Gateway or Lifeguard? Well, you clowns, like Thunderbird, Walker had a short stint in the playoffs but was hugely clutch in it.
Though the series is called Not Up For Debate, I’m leaving the comments open. So you can compliment me. For the very good picks. Appreciate the congrats.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0)– unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.