On behalf of the Happiness Survey Working Group, I’d like to thank you for your mandatory participation in our most recent Happiness Survey. We referred our results to a Big Four accounting firm, who assigned their most stereotypical geeks, nerds, and dweeboids to analyze the data. What follows is their report.
This is the first Happiness Survey of the 2024-25 season. There were more than 900 responses.
As a reminder, the survey is totally spurious:
On a scale from 1 to 5, how HAPPY are you to have this player on the team?
1 means VERY UNHAPPY TO HAVE THEM ON THE TEAM
2 means UNHAPPY
3 means NEITHER HAPPY NOR UNHAPPY
4 means HAPPY
5 means VERY HAPPY TO HAVE THEM ON THE TEAM
Below are the average scores for each player, grouped into tiers by me.
Elite Three Tier
The superstars of the Washington Capitals
- Connor McMichael 4.82 ± 0.49
- Alex Ovechkin 4.81 ± 0.73
- Dylan Strome 4.80 ± 0.50
I don’t think you could reasonably expect any more from these players, except maybe adamantium-laced bones for one of them. McMichael spent all last season around a 4.3. He’s jumped up half a point, more than anyone save someone in our next tier.
Core Four Tier
Four players driving big improvements for the Caps this season
- Logan Thompson 4.67 ± 0.62
- Tom Wilson 4.63 ± 0.69
- Jakob Chychrun 4.61 ± 0.65
- Aliaksei Protas 4.59 ± 0.68
Protas’s climb up the lineup matches his climb in the Happiness Survey. He’s the biggest improvement of the early session, whereas everyone else has enjoyed modest improvements, plus welcoming Chychrun to the squad. Logan Thompson is the big surprise here, compared at least to preseason expectations for the former Vegas backup.
Dependable Duo Tier
You always know these guys will be here
- John Carlson 4.37 ± 0.74
- Nic Dowd 4.36 ± 0.78
Aside from one bad survey last year, Carlson remains at his same historical level, i.e. tragically underrated by you ungrateful goblins.
Super Solid Squad Tier
Just outside the team’s core are these very good players on the lower mantle
- Pierre-Luc Dubois 4.11 ± 0.76
- Martin Fehervary 4.06 ± 0.77
- Rasmus Sandin 4.05 ± 0.78
- Charlie Lindgren 4.02 ± 0.81
Sandin is one of the team’s most improved players this season, and Pierre-Luc Dubois has been a transformative if snakebitten addition. Lindgren and Fehervary have both been mild disappointments to my eyes, but they’re heading in different directions according to you (up for Marty, down for Charlie).
Still Solid Septet Tier
The tiers are lying to you; these players are still very popular
- Brandon Duhaime 3.89 ± 0.78
- Jakub Vrana 3.85 ± 0.89
- Matt Roy 3.80 ± 0.81
- Trevor van Riemsdyk 3.76 ± 0.80
- Andrew Mangiapane 3.75 ± 0.80
- Taylor Raddysh 3.72 ± 0.79
- Lars Eller 3.71 ± 0.92
Although it feels like we’re far down the tier list already, I have to note that the average score is up 0.2 points from our last sample, taken just as the Caps squeaked into the playoffs. The vibes are high, and these players are still well-regarded.
Part-Time Partners Tier
Not the regular roster, so maybe discount these numbers
- Dylan McIlrath 3.53 ± 0.96
- Hendrix Lapierre 3.07 ± 0.93
Lapierre is this survey’s biggest dropper, almost a full point down from April. McIlrath brought grit but not much else to his 10 games. Lapierre will get another crack soon, but if McIlrath plays again it means something bad happened on the blue line.
Not Applicable Assemblage Tier
Okay, definitely discount these numbers
- Ivan Miroshnichenko 3.66 ± 0.88
- Michael Sgarbossa 3.07 ± 0.80
- Alexander Alexeyev 3.05 ± 0.76
- Sonny Milano 2.66 ± 0.98
Milano has played just three games this season before he got hurt. He underperformed even before that, so it’s not surprising he dropped 1.6 points from the last survey in April. He and the rest of this cohort have been seen too sparingly to make much of it.
And that’s the Happiness Survey. What did we get wrong?
