WHATS U P BABEESSSS )))The offseason is now in full swing. The Cup has been won, NICCCCEEEEEE, the beards shaved, SENSITIVE SKIN NOOO?? the players re-signed. Aside from the continuing adventures of the WERE NOT GONNA BE SUCK!!!))))), there’s not a whole lot happening in the hockey world. Until now! Presenting a new series in which we will finally understand the true nature of the world champion 2017-18 Washington Capitals through the prism of stupid popular culture. I’m calling it Not Up For Debate because everyone everywhere will agree that these are the universal consensus picks.
In this episode: What Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle would the Caps be?
Nicklas Backstrom, Raphael
The true star of the team, but underappreciated, and with a dark side.
Jay Beagle, Michelangelo
You probably thought he’d be a Raphael, but nope. He’s a silly party boy.
Madison Bowey, Raphael
Listen, there’s gonna be a lot of Raphaels, so just get ready.
Andre Burakovsky, Leonardo
Leader in training.
John Carlson, Leonardo
Leader in currently leading.
Alex Chiasson, Donatello
I dunno, he probably read a book about planets at some point or something.
Taylor Chorney, Michelangelo
Sir not appearing in this film.
Brett Connolly, Leonardo
Leaderino.
Christian Djoos, Michelangelo
Least leaderiffic
Lars Eller, Donatello
Wise beyond his years. Like a horse.
Philipp Grubauer, Leonardo
Obviously.
Braden Holtby, Donatello
Goalie-ing is a science.
Jakub Jerabek, Donatello
Because it was convenient to make him the same as the last one I used.
Michal Kempny, Leonardo
The reason he and Carlson are such a good pair is b/c they’re both Leos.
Evgeny Kuznetsov, Leonardo
Leaderiffic.
Matt Niskanen, Raphael
Some people would say he’s a Leo, but there were just several Leos in a row, and actually he’s a Raphael.
Dmitry Orlov, Donatello
The thinking man’s defenseman.
Brooks Orpik, Donatello
Ponders perhaps too much when maybe some skating would be more useful.
TJ Oshie, Leonardo
This is the only one you’ll agree with.
Alex Ovechkin, Michelangelo
Until this one. Mikey best))))
Devante Smith-Pelly, Michelangelo
I could also see him being a Raphael, tbh.
Chandler Stephenson, Leonardo
Saskatoonian depth leader.
Jakub Vrana, Raphael
If you’d been scratched a dozen times in your breakout season, you’d have authority issues too.
Nathan Walker, Casey Jones
Obviously.
Tom Wilson, Raphael
Slam dunk, though if you went Bebop/Rocksteady, I’ll allow it.
Though the series is called Not Up For Debate, I’m leaving the comments open. So you can compliment me. For the very good picks. Appreciate the congrats. BEST)))))
