If you’ve been living under a rock, or you don’t spend any time on the internet, Thursday was a dramatic day for fans of the local D.C. football team. The NFL’s free agency period started and the Redskins didn’t disappoint. If you need a quick update on what happened, let me clue you in.
The team decided to not re-sign some pretty important players, so those players went to other teams. Their quarterback, Kirk Cousins, is allegedly dying to go to the 49ers for some reason and requested to be traded. The Redskins made it difficult for Cousins and it’s looking like he will stay, which is very awkward and kinda reminds me of that time I broke up with a boyfriend and he simply replied, “no”. They also fired their GM, Scot McCloughan, who didn’t make it to the NFL Combine to scout for some new talent due to taking care of some family matters. But, once McCloughan was fired, some sources decided to be wildly inappropriate and blame it on his alcoholism.
As Redskins fans, this has been an extremely tough time. People are fed up and they are calling into radio shows to say they’re done with the team, being really dramatic on twitter (mainly me but that’s not new), and even showing up at Redskins Park in Ashburn with pitchforks to protest.
But, Washington football fans, it’s important to remember there is always a silver lining. What if I told you there is a promiseland of sorts that you could retreat to? What if there was a place you could go to be a fan and not be ashamed of being a fan? Well folks, there is. The sport is hockey and your new team should be the Washington Capitals.
Reasons to become a fan of the Washington Capitals:
“But Elyse, I could never abandon my football team. I love them too much!” Don’t worry, I totally understand and I am right there with you. I will still go to Redskins games, but I will just probably tailgate a bit harder to forget where my money is going or who I am cheering for. Luckily, there are some consistencies with the NFL and the NHL that will make you feel right at home:
Actually, you know what, don’t be a fan of the Capitals. Bandwagon on a winning team, or turn into a tennis fan, and find your happiness. One day we will all die and I want you to find a team that will show you a championship. I want this for you. I want you to be so happy.
Or…you can stay put and do what I do. Care way too much and get laughed at by all your friends every year when your team’s playoff hopes eventually get tossed into a garbage truck that is also on fire and being pooped on by raccoons. You go home, put your jersey on, play some “Loser” by Beck, and cry yourself to sleep.
Headline image: Scott Allen
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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