Alex Ovechkin scored his 800th goal last night. You might have heard about it. He got a memorable call from John Walton. He got a beer bath. He got a hug from Nicky Backstrom. There are a lot of feelings going around.

I don’t like feelings. They make me uncomfortable and suspicious. Please momentarily put your feelings aside and soak with me in the tepid effluence of data. I have sliced and diced Alex Ovechkin’s 800 goals in informative and entertaining ways.

By age

In my opinion, Alex Ovechkin’s most important trait is his durability. While it may have seemed for a bit that he was trending down in his late 20s, Ovechkin’s resilience in his 30s has simply been unprecedented. I don’t mean this hyperbolically; I mean literally no one in history has produced at his level at this age.

By game time

This one speaks to impact. 103 (12.8 percent) of Ovechkin’s goals have come in the final two minutes of a period, with 61 coming in the final two minutes of the third period. He has 25 overtime game-winners, but just twelve goals in the first minute of periods. Overall 124 of his 800 goals  — or 15.5 percent — have been game-winners.

By goalie

Alex Ovechkin has scored on 165 different goalies. Above are just the ones he’s beaten at double digits. His most common victim is of course Marc-Andre Fleury at 25, with his almost-teammate Henrik Lundqvist just behind at 24.

By assists

Ninety different players have had the last touch before Ovechkin has scored. Nick Backstrom, of course, leads the pack. Of the top ten, seven are still on the team today. I think it’s fun that Chris Clark, who retired in 2011, is up there. Forty – or five percent – of Ovechkin’s goals have been unassisted. His most recent was no. 792, just a few weeks ago. Secondary assists are fake.

By opponent

Ovechkin has scored against the Tampa Bay Lightning more than any other team in the league. The Atlanta Thrashers, who have not existed in over a decade, remain his 13th most punished team. I think you can see a Southeastern bias. Ovechkin played a lot of games against a weak division when he was at the peak of his powers.

By game situation

Over half (451) of Ovechkin’s goals have come during even strength, with another 36 percent (289) on the power play. He has 53 empty-net goals for seven percent, though that share has certainly been increasing lately. Stunning though it may seem: he’s scored five shorthanded goals in his career. Most of those goals came in his first few seasons; he had none in the 2010s and one seemingly weird one, no. 732, just last year.

I think it’s critical to keep the idea of empty-netters in context. Maybe they’re relatively easy goals to score (100 percent shooting!), but they’re important: Each time you score an ENG, you’re practically locking in a win for your team.

By venue

Slightly under half (391) of Ovechkin’s goals have come at home, though “home” has had different names through the years. He has also scored 17 goals in venues called different versions of”Scotiabank:” an arena, a place, and a saddledome.

Ovechkin has scored in 62 different buildings, but a bunch of those 62 are the same building with different names. Eighteen of those 62 names are banks, six from telecoms, four from airlines, four from insurance, and one is called “Climate Pledge” for some obscene reason.

By zodiac sign

I don’t know.

Here’s to the next eight hundred!

Full Coverage of Alex Ovechkin’s 800th Goal

Headline photo: Alan Dobbins/RMNB