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Misc. You Missed: The Ducks broke the Capitals and Braden Holtby’s water bottle

By Brennin Weiswerda

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February 18, 2019 12:14 pm

Hockey in California is an absurd notion right from the outset and the Capitals’ refusal to play good hockey and participate in the perpetuation of that cockamamie concept is commendable.

*sigh*

The Caps lost to the Ducks, who are not as nice as that one duck in New York, and Braden Holtby would be well within his rights to make all of his teammates attempt to block 39 shots and then also poke them real hard in the tummy. (I honestly can’t imagine Braden Holtby doing anything more violent than a tummy poke.)

For the hockey recap, Mr. Hassett has a scorching analysis that includes the phrase “freely sashaying” which is quite lovely. Here’s a recap of everything else!

Pregame

The Ducks spent so long honoring Scott Niedermayer in a pregame ceremony to retire his number that we could have watched the entire Might Ducks trilogy while waiting for the puck to drop. But eventually warm-ups did start and the pregame show included a Caps hug montage so that made everything worth it.

Devante Smith-Pelly has a pregame ritual where he slides across the bench like a human bumper car and smooshes Nicklas Backstrom and TJ Oshie. The only times Backstrom has ever looked happier is when he was carrying the Stanley Cup or perhaps deviously orchestrating a prank that someone else would get blamed for.

During the “Game”

The good: Look at this lil puck! I imagine it sounds like WALL-E when WALL-E finds something really exciting. This puck yearns to be free, as do we all.

Ducks goaltender Ryan Miller is wonderful for very many reasons: he was on the TV series Hockey Wives, he bantered with Chrissy Teigen on Twitter, and his latest mask is modeled off Poe Dameron’s fighter helmet from the Star Wars movies.

The Bad: The Ducks. Broke. Braden. Holtby’s. Water. Bottle.

HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO GAZE AT DROPLETS AND STAND UNDER A WATERFALL OF HIS OWN DESIGN IF HE HAS NO WATER.

Call the water bottle police, we’d like to report a serious crime.

The Ducks suck.

TJ Oshie left in the second period with an upper body injury. His hair looked very good in the intermission interview between the first and second periods. No other information has been disclosed as of yet.

We all had a mini heart attack as Ovi jumped to avoid a knee-on-knee collision.

Way too similar to the Kadri knee-on-knee during the 2017 playoff series against the Leafs. Ugh. No. Hate it.

via Gfycat

Later, Tom Wilson got pushed into Ryan Miller by Corey Perry, and then elbowed in the head by Corey Perry, and then somehow it was Wilson who went to the penalty box for goaltender interference.

HUGS!

Okay, first of all the Ducks are terrible huggers and we can lord that over them forever.

The “Mama Loves You” Hug

Ovi scored in the first period and it was his 40th goal of the season! What the frack! That’s ridiculous! It breaks some record, which, pretty much every goal Ovi scores at this point breaks a record.

Sometimes you just have to open yourself up to love. And if you’re very very lucky, four giant hockey players will see that you’re ready for love and hugtackle you.

As usual, Wilson was the most excited about the hug. Lars Eller is a cat so he’s not going to act like he cares, but really, we know he does. (Probably. Right? Yeah.)


Photo: Deborah Robinson

The “EVERYBODY GIT SOME” Hug

John Carlson scored in the second period. It took some time to determine whether or not this was a good goal (high sticking? so passé, we would never…) but there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that this was a great hug.

via Gfycat

The Caps seem to be getting more into headpats. Especially the defenders.

[insert joke about how they need to work on skills that are hockey-related & not hug-related so it’s probably not a funny joke, but nonetheless…]

Postgame

The Caps lost! To a terrible team! So here’s Philipp Grubauer skipping down the runway at an Avalanche charity brunch for kiddos who have had significant medical issues. They both look LOVELY. Look at that flowery flounce! Delightful.

via Gfycat

(h/t @SparkleTindi)

Full RMNB Coverage of Caps at Ducks

For more content and live updates during games you can find Brennin on Twitter @youripides.

Headline photo: NHL. Alterations courtesy of Brennin.

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