The Washington Capitals lost to the Florida Panthers 5-4 in overtime. And while there are a lot of reasons to be concerned about the Capitals’ performance, the most troubling parts of the game were the Florida Panthers’ goal hugs.
If there were any justice in the world the Caps would have engulfed Braden Holtby in an OT winning on-ice hug-swarm but instead we had to watch the Panthers high-five each other. Ugh.
The Caps did get one point in the standings, four extraordinary hugs, and the smug satisfaction that comes with being Stanley Cup Champions and way better at hugging than the Panthers. Let’s break it down.
Pregame
Tigers don’t need stripes when plaid and polka dots are an option.
Future Captain and Foster Dog Mom Tom Wilson got some accurate analysis in the NBCSN pregame show.
"he's a captain in the making" pic.twitter.com/szLlNHrHV1
— b. (@youripides) February 9, 2019
Stanley Cup Champion Alex Ovechkin is an underrated baton twirler.
"yes, i am the highest scoring russian hockey player of all time, but my real passion…is the baton" pic.twitter.com/gU5OZTKWO2
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
During the “Game”
If you want to know what happened with the hockey part of the game you can revel in Ms. Bailey’s beautiful recap, add up Mr. Cerullo’s numbers the morning after, or look at this GIF of Kuzy.
🤷‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/NU2NDK5pMK
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
Birthday boy Andre Burakovsky landed a huge check. Or, as Twitter user @ohmajelisabeth put it: “bear-a-cow-sky says mooo, bish, get out da way.”
our bouncing baby boy is now an actual bouncer pic.twitter.com/cfBBLuR9H9
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
Braden Holtby didn’t look great in net but he did look great.
Dmitry Orlov’s nickname on the team is Snarls, but can we all agree that nickname would be more appropriate for Nicklas Backstrom than the mundane “Backy?”
if you told me the caps had a player whose nickname was "snarls" and it WASN'T nicklas backstrom i would be furiously baffled pic.twitter.com/cftj87pBEM
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
HUGS!
We’re starting with the enemy’s hugs today so that we end on a positive note and aren’t left with a bad taste in our mouths. In our minds? Our minds’ mouths.
Guest star hug analyst: my mother.
"the panthers are mediocre huggers. all they did was bop him on the head."
-my mother, a regular reader of my Misc. You Missed series, sharing a perfect & accurate analysis of the first period
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
The “What Even Is This” Hug
It was obvious that there was something wrong with the Panthers from their very first goal hug of the night. Despite the neatly circular huddle formation and former Capital Troy Brouwer’s bongo head boops, it’s more of a gathering than a group hug.
The “Close But No Cigar” Hug
Noted Broadway fan Keith Yandle and floofy puppy dad Aaron Ekblad almost make this hug half-way decent. But the fist-bumps, which are an emotionally distancing maneuver, put an end to any attempt at intimacy.
The “This Is A Travesty” Hug
Third goal of the game. Other than a caress on the back of the helmet from Mike Hoffman–aka, where no physical contact can be felt–it’s all awkward elbows.
WHAT IS THIS NON-HUG HORROR SHOW pic.twitter.com/gmE9Rnz1Ub
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
The “One-Fifth of a Hug” Hug
Derick Brassard is still adjusting to being a Panther. After scoring the fourth goal of the game, and his first with his new team, he almost forgot that Hockey Hugs Aren’t For Panthers.
Evgenii Dadonov snuck in a quick actual hug, but when more Panthers showed up they settled for the emotional equivalent of a bro pat on the back.
fastest goal in team history & while there is A hug in this huddle is it NOT a group goal hug so THE SITUATION ROOM NEEDS TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS FOUL PLAY pic.twitter.com/qQJUn03qsh
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
The “They Should Revoke This Goal” Hug
Why even bother winning if all you’re going to do to celebrate is high-five.
the panthers couldn't even manage a decent hug for their overtime win & that is why they should be disbanded & the capitals should get three points for this game pic.twitter.com/b7KIvg3iG9
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
Bush-league level play. The Panthers should be ashamed of themselves.
This was arguably the Panthers’ best hug of the game.
frank vatrano really wanted to hug tom wilson. pic.twitter.com/Kka160L6Xc
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
CAPITALS HUGS!
The “BlasĂ© Brett” Hug
Brett Connolly scores goals with a “What, like it’s hard?” energy and had himself a two-goal, three-point night. (Also: note Christian Djoos going over-the-shoulder with his hug despite being significantly-shorter-than-Brett.)
The “Can we get a redo?” Hug
Lars Eller’s shot bounced off the back crossbar and by the time the referees confirmed that it was a good goal he was back on the bench. All he got was a fist-bump from Jakub Vrana and a nice nudge from Nic Dowd.
The “DJOOOOOOS!!!!!!” Hug
The may have been Connolly’s second goal of the night but the highlight of it is Lars Eller. Christian Djoos made his return to the line-up and Eller’s joyful smile as Djoos djoins the hug is a thing of beauty.
the caps are so happy to have djoos back in the hug huddle pic.twitter.com/CF9l9HNsdo
— b. (@youripides) February 10, 2019
The “Last Goal of the Night” Hug
Even though Kuznetsov’s fourth goal of the game was the Capitals last hurrah of the evening, Alex Ovechkin gave us reason to keep the faith. He possesses the rare ability to close a goal hug before all participants have arrived, but re-open the huddle just in time for the incoming huggers. A remarkable athlete.
Postgame
In conclusion: this is Aaron Ekblad’s dog.
Full RMNB Coverage of Caps vs Panthers
Headline photo: Rob Carr
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