Alex Ovechkin has not scored a goal in the last four games. Sure, he’s put a puck in the net twice in that span [one, two], but neither counted. For twelve days he’s been stuck at 483 career goals, tied with Sergei Fedorov for the most scored by a Russian.

Since November 7, Ovechkin has stubbornly tried to score number 484. Instead of trying, he should just accept his fate as a 483-goal scorer. Forever.

Sure, some of you may say Ovechkin should keep trying to score 484, but isn’t that just delusional? The universe has made itself clear: Alex Ovechkin is done scoring. It’s over. 483 is the ceiling. Ovechkin should accept that and be happy with it.

Wouldn’t that be the classy thing to do?

We’ve seen it a thousand times: Michael Jordan lingering too long with the Wizards to offset his gambling debt, Peyton Manning visibly decomposing on the field while limbs fall off of him every Sunday, Mike Huckabee continuing to speak into microphones as if anyone gives a hoot what he says.

It’s a virtue to know when you’ve peaked. That way you can make a quick exit from the stage. Alex Ovechkin is failing in both regards.

I’m not saying Ovechkin should retire right now, in his 30th year, as the best player in the sport, while the team he captains is off to a red-hot 12-4-1 start and looks better than ever, but I’m also not saying he shouldn’t retire right now. I’m definitely saying he should stop trying to score goals though.

How about playing a month or two on defense? Maybe fill in as goalie against the Stars tonight? I saw in Mighty Ducks 2 how Charlie Conway turned into a coach for the big game; Ovi could try that.

And then, maybe in early April, he can quietly retire with 483 career goals because that’s what the universe clearly freaking wants, goddammit.