I was watching the E:60 on the Hershey Bears’ Teddy Bear Toss this morning and my mind was flooded with nice memories. I was on the ice that night as 45k stuffed animals were thrown on the ice (and pelting my head and phone). I was shaking hands, joking with a few players (minus Christian Djoos – he is very very serious), and packing teddy bears into trash bags to help clean up. I saw friends in the crowd. I went up to write the post in a crammed media box – all things that couldn’t happen right now because it’d be unsafe.

That night was one of the more fun experiences I’ve had reporting since I helped found this website, but now it seems like it happened years ago due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Like many right now sheltering in place for weeks on end, I feel lucky to have my health, but I am dealing with low-grade depression. I’m an extrovert. I get my power from people. I love new experiences and talking out solutions/learning from other people. I love hosting parties and sharing experiences with others. But around me, things are crumbling. Every day, the US’s death toll gets unfathomably worse. In my personal life, some of my closest friends are hard to reach or talk to (most cope with things differently than I do). I barely see my family anymore (and if I do we’re separated by glass doors). And our audience’s energy for the website has waned, which is totally understandable. There are no sports.

I wanted to write through some of the things I’m missing that seemed ordinary a few months ago. For me selfishly, it’s cathartic. For you, I don’t know if it’ll help, but I think there are many of you out there that still feel blessed to have their health but miss what life used to be.

This post is set to Bruce Springsteen’s Glory Days. I used to make fun of one of my childhood friends for always living in the past, but now I’m totally that guy.

Hugging my mother

My mother is one of my heroes. I’ve written about it in the past, but she’s survived some scary stuff and is basically as tough as a two-dollar steak. She’s taught me through those harrowing experiences to never take one day on Earth for granted. If you want to accomplish big things (like go to my high school graduation despite losing half of your colon months before), you have to work really really hard. I miss her big warm hugs and being able to tell her I love her.

I guess, you too, Dad.

Texting just isn’t the same.

Playing Sunday hockey in Hagerstown

Every Sunday morning, I would drive up to Fairgrounds Park in Hagerstown (and be late every week) to play street hockey with a dozen awesome dudes who have become some of my better friends over the last three years. Sure, we’ve cursed and accidentally high-sticked each other in the face, but those competitive 60-minute games we played were the most fun I had all week. It’s helped me lose 30 pounds and become good at my favorite sport. Sometimes the guys even played with my son.

And now some personal shoutouts. Shane, I miss how much you hustle. Cameron, I miss your stories and scoring on you glove side. You too, Karl, but god, put your gear on, stop making us wait so long to start the period. And Mike, thank you for your leadership to always get these games going.

My dumb Twitter fights with Alan May

Now that it’s the month of May, I’m really missing my frienemy Alan May. He always knows how to make me feel insecure about myself and slightly unsafe and I miss those feelings.

His Twitter is currently suspended, but I hope that comes back and he lets me know how much he hates me soon. It’s been too long. Love you, Al😘

Getting gas without fear of getting coronavirus

I don’t know why, but I’m afraid to touch gas pumps now. It’s to the point where I’m driving Ashley’s car to get around because my car is almost out of gas. It’s dumb. Do you have things like that?

Seeing my parents babysit Ethan

My mom and dad were babysitting Ethan almost every weekday so that I can cover hockey during the day. My son would play with trains with my dad and build these long railroad courses. My dad put in his retirement the day my son was born in 2017. I can’t imagine how much they miss him. I miss seeing them with him.

Watching Alex Ovechkin score goals

As time drags on, I continue to worry that the 2019-20 season will ultimately be canceled. With people beginning to ignore social distancing protocols, I’m becoming more worried that there will be a second wave this spring and it’ll be worse than the first. And that makes me worry about peoples’ health.

In a hockey sense, it also makes me worry that Alex Ovechkin will be robbed of more games to catch Wayne Gretzky’s goal record of 894. Ovi was on such a torrid stretch before the season was suspended. He had three hat tricks over a short period of time and was playing some of the best hockey of his career. I miss watching him be gr8.

Random people texting me before or after big Caps games

One of the great joys an extrovert has is when unexpected people come back into your life to chat. I miss the random texts and pictures I’d get from friends who were at Capitals games and love the sport just as much as I do. Some would send me video of weird pregame superstitions Capitals players had during warmups. I can’t tell you how much I miss this but it’s a bunch.

Grocery shopping with Ashley and Ethan at Wegman’s

One of the great joys I used to have would be to eat dinner in Wegman’s food court and then buy groceries with my family. It was fun to buy something new I could try. Plus, Ethan is basically a celebrity there to the staff and it was always fun to try and find entertainment out of the boring visits. Now me and Ethan wait in the car as Ashley gets food inside.

Watching Ethan playing on the playground

When I take Ethan on walks around the neighborhood, we always walk by the playground and he asks if he can play. And I have to say no because there are “germs in the air” and I don’t want him to get sick. It’s an awkward conversation to have, but part of me feels lucky he’s three and doesn’t understand what’s going on.

Ignoring people who come to the house because sorry, I’m too busy writing about hockey

Sometimes I’m an absolute jerk because I love RMNB and it’s such a big part of my life. For instance, when Alex Ovechkin scored his 700th goal against the New Jersey Devils, I didn’t come upstairs for a house party. I also didn’t talk to my family who was at the house until they were about to leave very late in the evening. I liked being this busy. I loved the rush of writing important (and stupid) things for you in real-time. Peter once said I was born to blog about hockey. At first, I thought it was a joke, but now I’m starting to see, it really is my calling.

Honestly, writing right now is difficult because there is an urgency and enthusiasm gap.

The experiences and seeing you guys

This blog has given me some unbelievable experiences. Being able to share my passion of hockey with you has been one of the best gifts this site has given me. I miss seeing people out at events. I miss saying hey to random people. I missing hosting parties and having everyone try to talk to me all at once and then feel guilt like I’m not doing a good enough job socializing. Who knows how long this site will be successful or if we can continue to be as deserving of your time. I never take it for granted and I miss y’all.

So for those of you who are quietly struggling, I just want you to know this hasn’t been a cakewalk for me either. If you want, you can tell me what you’re missing in the comments.

Just know, I hope you and your family are getting through things okay and I’m thinking of you all.

What are you going through and what are you missing?