Hi, I’m here to notify you that you now have plans for Friday night. And anything else you thought you were doing is now canceled.
I am, in the words of Alan May, coming out of mom’s basement to compete in a Bar Battle with, in the words of May again, the most tan, the most handsome, and the most captivating analyst in hockey media, Alan May.
When we’re not chirping or threatening bodily harm at each other, we are going to make you drinks at Penn Quarter Sports Tavern to help raise money for The Bahamas Disaster Relief Fund. I am told I will be “making” $6 Great 8 cocktails and Alan will be pouring $6 Optimal Wit pints from 8 – 9:30pm. Whoever gets more of their signature drink ordered and served, wins not only the night but full bragging rights for the rest of time. RSVP here.
And I promise, if I win, I will never forget.
Here were our tweets announcing the event to get you excited.
Hi, hockey fans 👋 I will be guest bartending at Penn Quarter Sports Tavern on Friday, September 20th at 8pm to help raise money for The Bahamas Disaster Relief Fund. I would really love to see you all there!
— Ian Oland (@ianoland) September 6, 2019
I’ll be the feature bartender @PQST kicking Ian’s pasty a$$ while pouring pints of @PortCityBrew Optimal Wit and I’ll be giving my winnings to the relief fund. Save the date it’s almost time for #ALLCAPS https://t.co/ysLNPTO9UO
— Alan May (@MayHockeyNBCS) September 6, 2019
Wait, what. You're doing this too? I did not agree to this.
— Ian Oland (@ianoland) September 6, 2019
Too bad as always that your bottom dwelling opinion doesn’t count
— Alan May (@MayHockeyNBCS) September 6, 2019
Ugh. I’m bringing my hockey gloves with the intention of dropping them (after you get in the back seat of your Uber and can’t see me anymore)
— Ian Oland (@ianoland) September 6, 2019
Fellow RMNB co-founder Peter Hassett, as well as Amazing-RMNB-Art-Maker Rachel Cohen, will also be in attendance to say hi, hug you* (Please note Peter does not do hugs), and sell limited edition RMNB merch. We are, as we speak, working on having some very, very, very special pint glasses and shot glasses we’re having sandblasted just for this event.
One other thing. I need to lower your expectations. As many of you know, I’m not cool… like, in any way. I’m basically straight edge. I’m the CM Punk of hockey bloggers. I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, and I rarely drink (because then I get even happier and start being very happy-honest and no one needs this in their life). So you may need to be patient with me when I make your drinks as well… yeah.
I asked Ian what’s in a martini and he said “olives… and a toothpick?” so good luck everybody https://t.co/wsZoiFooAz
— Good Tweet Pete 🌮 (@peterhassett) September 6, 2019
On Saturday, I saw Al Koken, who is cool, at Capitals practice and he told me just to learn one fancy party trick where I flip a bottle of liquor over my head. He made a bunch of hand motions to show me just how easy it is. But, look, I have a feeling if I do this I will injure myself or one of you beautiful people so I’m probably just going to hand you drinks and say how much I appreciate you because I really really appreciate you. You’re beautiful and great, really.
Finally, this party/charity event came together because of Lindsey Duchaine (of Caps Prom fame) and Tyler Duchaine (the great designer with the Brett Connolly tattoo). It was an amazing idea (minus the part including Alan May) and they are wonderful people you should know, follow (here and here), and thank. They first met at an RMNB party before getting married (which makes me tear up just writing, but that’s just a secret between you and me). So let’s sell this place out, make a bunch of money for the hurricane-ravaged Bahamas, which is not getting a lot of help or sympathy from this current President, and have a bunch of fun in the process.
Let’s recap one last time.
RSVP: Here. Right now.
When: Friday, September 20th at 8:00pm sharp
Where: Penn Quarter Sports Tavern, upstairs bar
639 Indiana Ave NW DC 20001
What: Ian, that’s me, from RMNB will be pouring $6 Great 8 cocktails and Alan will be pouring $6 Optimal Wit pints from 8 – 9:30pm. Whoever gets more of their signature drink ordered and served wins the not only the night but full bragging rights until the end of time. This is what we’ve all been waiting for: a Canadian Caps relic and blogger from his mom’s basement chirping it out while slinging booze for our amusement. We finally get to witness one of the greatest twitter beefs IRL.
Why: A portion of the proceeds from the night will go towards The Bahamas Disaster Relief Fund to help the survivors, victims, their families, and the rebuilding efforts in the Grand Bahamian Island after the devastating Hurricane Dorian. The night is all about warm fuzzies: not just from collecting alcohol from your favorite personality, but giving back to the good as well.
Bonus why: This might be your opportunity to appeal to Alan in hopes he’ll unblock you from Twitter.
this is the greatest thing to ever happen to me @MayHockeyNBCS #UnblockTravis pic.twitter.com/ITMAonIMN1
— Travis Tuthill (@tuthill_travis) June 12, 2018
Though if you ask me, an Alan May-less Twitter experience is a better Twitter life worth living.
