The Caps can’t stop winning. They keep trying with offensive-zone penalties and turtling when they get the lead, but they can’t help but score five or more goals. This time it was the Carolina Hurricanes who played the victim, buried under pucks, discovered by a jogger before the opening credits.

The Caps, in a gracious mood, spotted the Canes the first goal, a prompt one from Jordan Staal on the power play. Then it was the adults’ turn. Dmitry Orlov got his first of the night on a neat powerplay sequence followed by an even neater shot, then Justin Williams notched his 17th on a muffin.

In the second, Orlov scored again, this time during fives, with an equally monster shot. Evgeny Kuznetsov got involved with a net-crashing goal. TJ Oshie recorded his 18th of the year with six minutes left to go, and then Lars Eller elbowed in on the action with a sharp-angle shot to make it just plain silly.

Caps win 6-1, yawnnn. 

Alright, let’s see if I can find another version of Bailamos.

There. That works.

• Andre Burakovsky got three assists but nearly lost one tooth. Noah Hanifin tripped him and the bopped him in the kisser. Everyone thought Andre lost a tooth, but he told Al Koken that it was just a cut lip. I’m happy to correct the record, but I’ll never take back the jokes.
• Dmitry Orlov scored for the first time since January 3, and man were they pretty. Especially on that first shot, the release and the flex are stunning. This was Orlov’s second multi-goal game ever; that last one was March 2, 2014 against Philly, then boarded Brayden Schenn and got suspended.
• I don’t know if discussing Pat Sajak wearing an Orioles hat is required in a game recap, but I’m doing it anyway. Look at that Os hat. What a lovely logo. Personally I prefer the 47 brand mesh snapback with faded colors, but the traditional fitted hat ain’t bad. Good times, good times. Go Os.

• Taylor Chorney and Nate Schmidt struggled to clear the zone against a Carolina team that was otherwise dominated until score effects took over. Chorney was on for 5 Caps attempts and 23 Canes attempts, an 18 percent shot-attempt percentage. Get well soon, John Carlson.
• TJ Oshie has a penalty problem, right? His offensive-zone infraction was one of the team’s only major goofs on Monday, and it preceded Staal’s goal by all of six seconds. That alone should cost him one or two million on his next contract. Twenty-two PIMs and counting. His 18 goals this season almost make up for it. Almost.
• That late Oshie goal puts Nick Backstom‘s point streak at ten, a career high.  He won 9 of 14 faceoffs to boot. Wow, is Backstrom good or what.

Joe B suit of the night

The Caps have a 14-game point streak blah blah on top of the metro again yadda yadda who cares, let’s talk about Carly Rae Jepsen.

CRJ will play the NHL’s All-Star Game, and it is a great choice, you ignorant lobsters. Jepsen’s 2015 album E•MO•TION is cock diesel unless you’re a miserable fungus who can’t appreciate luscious, well-crafted pop songs. Jepsen will be joined in the lineup by Nick Jonas, who came out to have a good time is honestly feeling so attacked right now by you malicious mallards.

Anyway, yawn, the Caps won again by a lot, I guess. They’re impossibly good or whatever. They make decent goalies turn into damp noodles, if that’s something you’re into.

Full Coverage of Caps vs Hurricanes