The Caps can’t stop winning. They keep trying with offensive-zone penalties and turtling when they get the lead, but they can’t help but score five or more goals. This time it was the Carolina Hurricanes who played the victim, buried under pucks, discovered by a jogger before the opening credits.
The Caps, in a gracious mood, spotted the Canes the first goal, a prompt one from Jordan Staal on the power play. Then it was the adults’ turn. Dmitry Orlov got his first of the night on a neat powerplay sequence followed by an even neater shot, then Justin Williams notched his 17th on a muffin.
In the second, Orlov scored again, this time during fives, with an equally monster shot. Evgeny Kuznetsov got involved with a net-crashing goal. TJ Oshie recorded his 18th of the year with six minutes left to go, and then Lars Eller elbowed in on the action with a sharp-angle shot to make it just plain silly.
Caps win 6-1, yawnnn.
Alright, let’s see if I can find another version of Bailamos.
There. That works.
Joe B suit of the night
The Caps have a 14-game point streak blah blah on top of the metro again yadda yadda who cares, let’s talk about Carly Rae Jepsen.
CRJ will play the NHL’s All-Star Game, and it is a great choice, you ignorant lobsters. Jepsen’s 2015 album E•MO•TION is cock diesel unless you’re a miserable fungus who can’t appreciate luscious, well-crafted pop songs. Jepsen will be joined in the lineup by Nick Jonas, who came out to have a good time is honestly feeling so attacked right now by you malicious mallards.
Anyway, yawn, the Caps won again by a lot, I guess. They’re impossibly good or whatever. They make decent goalies turn into damp noodles, if that’s something you’re into.
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