When we heard a superhero foundation was holding a fundraiser in D.C. featuring Caps players Karl Alzner, Troy Brouwer, and John Carlson, we put our best subject-matter expert on the case. Here’s a report from RMNB Senior Spandexed Superhero Correspondent Brouwer Ranger Nathan on “Heroes Rock the Red.”
Spirits seem to be rebounding among Caps fans following back-to-back victories against the Chicago Blackhawks and the Carolina Hurricanes this weekend. A handful of them came out to celebrate the nascent winning streak with Caps players and a bunch of superheroes while raising money for Foundation 4 Heroes (F4H).
Brouwer and Carlzner signed autographs, took photos with fans, and tended bar at City Tap House DC to raise money for the F4H, which takes a unique approach to supporting kids with life-threatening diseases. The non-profit sends superheroes like Captain America and Wonder Woman to visit kids and encourage them to find the superhero inside themselves.
“Our goal is to inspire the kids that are battling terrible diseases,” explained Hulk Hogan, a.k.a. Dr. Jay Lipoff, one of the founders of Foundation 4 Heroes. “We’re not doing research. We’re trying to make a difference today because some of these kids aren’t going to see tomorrow.”
Lipoff said they teach kids four rules to being a hero:
Apparently “say your prayers and take your vitamins” didn’t make the cut.
I also had a chance to sit down with each of the players and ask the pressing questions.
Question: If you were a superhero, which one would you be?
Troy Brouwer: “I’d like to be Iron Man.”
John Carlson: “Superman would probably be my favorite growing up and I guess that would have to carry over for now.” When asked how he stacks up next to the other Captain America, Carlson said, “Terrible. … I play hockey. That’s far from a superhero.”
Karl Alzner: “Oh man, that’s a good question. I’d want to be Superman because my goal in life is to somehow be able to fly. It’s been that since I was 4 years old, so I’d want to be Superman just so I could have that.”
Question: Which of your teammates would look best in a full-body spandex suit?
Troy Brouwer: “Wilson. Nice tall kid, great legs on him. Probably his abs would show through, hair out the top. He’s a good looking kid. I think he would do well.”
John Carlson: “We’re all professional athletes. I don’t think too many people would look bad in a suit like that.”
Karl Alzner: “I’m going to go ahead and say right now Dmitry Orlov because he’s been out for so long so I think it would be pretty funny to see him in a spandex suit.”
Question: You’ll be tending bar here in a few minutes. What’s your go-to cocktail?
Troy Brouwer: “At home I’m just a straight whiskey kind of guy. I like Basil Hayden. Last year for the Olympic break they made … island punch. Cranberry juice, pineapple juice, orange juice and island rum. Phenomenal.”
John Carlson: “Beer. If I had to make a drink, I’m more of a whiskey and bourbon drinker. I like to have it on the rocks.”
Karl Alzner: “I would go with a whiskey/diet coke. … I do like the [Moscow] Mule – it’s like a ginger beer/vodka kind of thing.”
Question: If you’re tending bar and some sad sap comes in with a sob story about losing his girl, what advice do you give him?
Troy Brouwer: “She’s right.”
John Carlson: “Don’t call her every 15 minutes.”
Karl Alzner: “I’d probably say find a rebound quick. Focus on moving forward not back. I’d probably try and get a little background first and if it sounded promising then I would maybe try to give him something better than that. But if it didn’t sound promising then I would say move forward.”
Here are a bunch of crappy cell phone pictures I took:
Ian claims he and Peter were taping a podcast, but I’m pretty sure this is him.
Nick and Jenn P. brought their homemade Brouwer Bomb, so of course I had to get a picture.
Silent auction items included this photo signed by “Brayden” Holtby.
This sold for actual US dollars.
Brouwer and Carlson got into a little bidding war over the Dierks Bentley guitar on the right. Someone else swooped in and won it while they were tending bar.
Balloon animal Ovi and balloon animal Slapshot.
Then Karl Alzner tried on the balloon Slapshot head.
Someone wanted a photo with Wonder Woman, but not Karl Alzner. Awkward.
Just John Carlson casually chatting it up with Thor (Ian).
After signing a bunch of stuff, the Caps and superheroes spent some time tending bar.
Brouwer poured some fireball shots for the patrons who like gross stuff.
Then he pocketed the bottle.
Brouwer and Carlson tag-team a “Rock the Red” a.k.a. vodka/Red Bull Red. I’m starting to get a feel for City Tap Room’s demo, and it is not me.
Brouwer and the Hulkster strike a pose behind the bar.
And the coup de grace:
Captain America with Captain America!
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