This week the Pittsburgh Penguins traded forward Patric Hornqvist to the Florida Panthers in exchange for defender Michael Matheson and forward Colton Sceviour. Hornqvist said he was “blindsided” by the deal. “It’s a tough situation for me and my family when you get blindsided a little bit,” Hornqvist told the media on Friday. “When you know you have a no-trade, you don’t think this kind of question is going to come up.”

Hornqvist had to waive his no-trade clause to agree to the deal.

In completely unrelated news (no, I’m serious, this really is not related) one intrepid citizen journalist shared a photo of Hornqvist’s driveway, reporting that “someone tossed [Hornqvist’s Penguins] gear out,” suggesting a public statement of rage from a scorned hockey boy.

Patrick Hornqvist driveway this afternoon
Coworker lives in his neighborhood
Looks like someone tossed the gear out pic.twitter.com/XeSU55Rn6C

— Charles Tommarello (@grunge777) September 26, 2020

Another possible explanation: his gear smelled like ass that died a month ago.

Hornqvist, 33, scored 17 goals and 15 assist for the Pens in the shortened season. Hornqvist didn’t skate much with Malkin or Crosby, but helped level the ice while the stars were on the bench.

The Penguins, hampered by the salary cap and looking to make adjustments on defense with the addition of Todd Reirden to the coaching staff, made the move for still uncertain reasons. Here’s an excerpt of a conversation between the Tribune-Review’s Jonathan Bombulie and Pittsburgh general manager John Rutherford, as captured by 937 The Fan’s Chris Mack:

Bombulie: How do you feel about your cap situation right now? This didn’t save you any money.

Rutherford: Uh, it saved us a hair, but… well, no, you’re right, it didn’t. I’m not comfortable with it.

Similarly confused was the website Pittsburgh Hockey Now, who saw the Hornqvist-stinky-gear photo and interpreted it as “anger” rather than the more plausible explanation: hockey gear smells like what if the town one town over from yours converted all its agriculture into cultivating sweaty crotches and then the wind shifted and blew it all your way.

They’ve since updated the story.

Hockey players throwing out or destroying their hockey gear in a fit of rage is exceedingly rare. Alex Semin did it probably, but he’s Alex Semin. He’s allowed.

Meanwhile, used hockey gear smells like someone put rancid ass inside a hot pot and forgot about it for like a fortnight and a half.