First, let’s start with a question. Chris From the Comments, where the hell have you been during the quarantine? Well, I don’t really have a non-hockey related answer for the first 90-percent of it, but I do have one for this last couple of weeks. My discovery of Australian Rules Football (or Aussie Rules, or the AFL, or footy – honestly, it doesn’t matter what you call it because clearly even Australians haven’t figured that out yet).

Now, what is the AFL? I can assure you that it is very much not rugby. Let us delve into this awesome league and sport and answer that question a little better.

Australian Rules Football has been played in Australia since the 1820s, but the popularized league known as the AFL was established in 1896, originally as the VFL or Victorian Football League. As the league wanted to expand to other states and territories in the country, it changed its name to the Australian Football League in 1990. They’ve since added a Women’s Division (AFLW), which debuted at a professional level in 2017.

It’s a very fast-paced, high scoring game with elements of basketball, hockey, soccer, football (as we Americans know it), and lacrosse. I’ll let the league explain the basics of rules and scoring in this following, brilliantly done video.

If that was too basic for you, this intermediate level video, and this advanced level video should do the final trick.

Now for the fun stuff. Let’s get into the 18 teams, what they look like, some notable players to follow, and what I’ve found in my research and short term viewing so far.

Teams

Adelaide Crows

State: South Australia
Home venue: Adelaide Oval
Song: The Pride of South Australia
Premierships: Men (1997, 1998), Women (2017, 2019)
NHL Team Comparison: Nashville Predators
Player To Watch: Rory Sloane

The first of many bird teams, Adelaide is very much in rebuild mode. They’ve lost their first three matches this season after making the Grand Final only a few years back. This is a team to pick if you truly want to start from the ground floor as a fan.

Brisbane Lions

State: Queensland
Home venue: The Gabba
Song: The Pride of Brisbane Town
Premierships: Men (2001, 2002, 2003)
NHL Team Comparison: Carolina Hurricanes
Player To Watch: Lachie Neale

Brisbane was a powerhouse in the early 2000s, fell off badly for quite a few years, and finally returned to the top eight in the table in 2019 for the first time since 2009. They are a hyped squad for 2020 looking to live up to those expectations.

Carlton Blues

State: Victoria
Home venue: Docklands Stadium
Song: We are the Navy Blues
Premierships: Men (1906, 1907, 1908, 1914, 1915, 1938, 1945, 1947, 1968, 1970, 1972, 1979, 1981, 1982, 1987, 1995)
NHL Team Comparison: Montreal Canadiens
Player To Watch: Eddie Betts

Carlton has the joint-most Premierships in the league, but as you can see their history is really all they have. They are perennial cellar-dwellers these days but have added back one of Australia’s favorite players and club talisman Eddie Betts to their roster after six seasons apart. Betts has won four AFL Goal of the Year awards in his career.

Collingwood Magpies

State: Victoria
Home venue: Melbourne Cricket Ground
Song: Good Old Collingwood Forever
Premierships: Men (1902, 1903, 1910, 1917, 1919, 1927, 1928, 1929, 1930, 1935, 1936, 1953, 1958, 1990, 2010)
NHL Team Comparison: Pittsburgh Penguins
Player To Watch: Mason Cox (only American in the league)

Collingwood is the team everyone else in the league hates, so it’s pretty fitting they have the only American in the league on their roster. Their fans are also the fans that everyone else hates. They are filled with a ton of the league’s best players (Steele Sidebottom is another to watch for and yes that’s his real name), but they also have the tendency to choke on the big stage. As much as they are hated, they are just as much fun to watch.

Essendon Bombers

State: Victoria
Home venue: Docklands Stadium
Song: See the Bombers Fly Up
Premierships: Men (1897, 1901, 1911, 1912, 1923, 1924, 1942, 1946, 1949, 1950, 1962, 1965, 1984, 1985, 1993, 2000)
NHL Team Comparison: Philadelphia Flyers
Player To Watch: Dylan Shiel

The Bombers are another team with a very proud and storied history, but with a tendency to be a bit of a roller coaster ride in modern years. They went through a big performance-enhancing drugs scandal in 2013 and just had a player test positive for COVID-19, forcing their Round Three match to be postponed.

Fremantle Dockers

State: Western Australia
Home venue: Perth Stadium
Song: Freo Way To Go
Premierships: 0
NHL Team Comparison: Florida Panthers
Player To Watch: Nat Fyfe

Fremantle joined the league in 1995. Yet, the Dockers were the only side to not win a Premiership until the additions of new teams in 2011 and 2012 made that list three teams long. However, they do boast Nat Fyfe, who is the current reigning league MVP and they wear purple. They’ve joined Adelaide as the only teams to drop all three of their 2020 matches.

Geelong Cats

State: Victoria
Home venue: Kardinia Park
Song: We Are Geelong
Premierships: Men (1925, 1931, 1937, 1951, 1952, 1963, 2007, 2009, 2011)
NHL Team Comparison: Vancouver Canucks
Player To Watch: Joel Selwood

The Cats traditionally tend to be very likable and always competitive, but very often the bridesmaid and not the bride. Their fans have the tendency to get very touchy when the team is not performing well, but what fans of any good team doesn’t? The city is entirely football-crazed and the social scene almost revolves completely around the sport. I would also like to state that cats are just also very good animals, so that’s an automatic plus.

Gold Coast Suns

State: Queensland
Home venue: Carrara Stadium
Song: We Are the Suns of the Gold Coast Sky
Premierships: 0
NHL Team Comparison: Winnipeg Jets
Player To Watch: Matthew Rowell

The Suns are an expansion team, introduced in 2011, that has been pretty much the joke of the league…until now as their youth has shone incredibly bright in 2020. Before that though, the AFL needed to give the Suns a three-year assistance package in 2019 to ensure that they stayed competitive as they haven’t finished higher than 15th since 2015. Matt Rowell, their 18-year-old first overall selection in the most recent National Draft looks to be an absolute wunderkind and potential savior. They also should earn an award for the most gas station looking logo.

Greater Western Sydney Giants

State: New South Wales
Home venue: Sydney Showground Stadium
Song: There’s A Big Big Sound
Premierships: 0
NHL Team Comparison: Arizona Coyotes
Player To Watch: Tim Taranto

Look, the Giants might struggle attendance-wise and have an unnecessarily long name, but they have finished in the top eight for four straight seasons and have probably the best team song in the AFL. They made the Grand Final in 2019 only to lose to Richmond in a blowout, 114 to 25.

Hawthorn Hawks

State: Victoria
Home venue: Melbourne Cricket Ground
Song: The Mighty Fighting Hawks
Premierships: Men (1961, 1971, 1976, 1978, 1983, 1986, 1988, 1989, 1991, 2008, 2013, 2014, 2015)
NHL Team Comparison: Chicago Blackhawks
Player To Watch: Chad Wingard

The Hawks are one of the most successful clubs in the modern AFL, however they’ve combined the colors yellow and brown which is just unadvisable. Since 2016 they’ve alternated making the Semi-Final and not qualifying for the Finals (playoffs) at all, so that should mean they are Semi-Final bound this season.

Melbourne Demons

State: Victoria
Home venue: Melbourne Cricket Ground
Song: It’s a Grand Old Flag
Premierships: Men (1900, 1926, 1939, 1940, 1941, 1948, 1955, 1956, 1957, 1959, 1960, 1964)
NHL Team Comparison: Ottawa Senators
Player To Watch: Max Gawn

The Demons had a very rough decade before a promising 2018 that turned out to be more a mirage than anything. I think maybe a less intense team name would do them good or they should at least double down and throw straight up Satan on their logo. To put something into perspective, their fans have been suffering for longer than Maple Leafs fans in terms of winning the big ole trophy at the end of seasons.

North Melbourne Kangaroos

State: Victoria
Home venue: Docklands Stadium
Song: Join in the Chorus
Premierships: Men (1975, 1977, 1996, 1999)
NHL Team Comparison: Minnesota Wild
Player To Watch: Jy Simpkin

The Roos are kind of seen as a team that is neither good nor bad and that’s backed up by them finishing in the eighth or ninth spot on the table six times in the last ten seasons. Zooming out further shows that they have constantly dwelled in those sort of spots in the standings really since the turn of the century. Highlighted player, Jy Simpkin is a very bright young player, one that stood out to me, a newcomer to the sport.

Port Adelaide Power

State: South Australia
Home venue: Adelaide Oval
Song: Power to Win
Premierships: Men (2004)
NHL Team Comparison: Colorado Avalanche
Player To Watch: Travis Boak

The Power are the side that has absolutely flown out of the gates as the only team to win all three of their first games. They’ve put out middling performances in the past five seasons, which saw them as a bit of a question mark to enter 2020, but they’ve obviously answered those questions so far.

Richmond Tigers

State: Victoria
Home venue: Melbourne Cricket Ground
Song: We’re from Tiger Land
Premierships: Men (1920, 1921, 1932, 1934, 1943, 1967, 1969, 1973, 1974, 1980, 2017, 2019)
NHL Team Comparison: Boston Bruins
Player To Watch: Dustin Martin

Richmond’s Dustin Martin is one of the game’s greatest and the fiercely dominant, defending champs are looking to make it back-to-back Premierships. The Tigers have had a bit of a shaky start coming out of the long pandemic created break, drawing with Collingwood and getting stomped by Hawthorn. Their next match comes on the road against a struggling St. Kilda side so they have a big opportunity to bounce back.

St Kilda Saints

State: Victoria
Home venue: Docklands Stadium
Song: When the Saints Go Marching In
Premierships: Men (1966)
NHL Team Comparison: Toronto Maple Leafs
Player To Watch: Max King

The Saints are another quite long-suffering bunch, winning their only Premiership in 1966 even though they were a league foundation team (think original six in hockey) in 1897. They’ve overhauled almost their entire roster going into 2020 and have some bright young talent in guys like Max King. With that being said, none of the research I have done expects them to finish in a Finals spot this season.

Sydney Swans

State: New South Wales
Home venue: Sydney Cricket Ground
Song: The Red and the White
Premierships: Men (1909, 1918, 1933, 2005, 2012)
NHL Team Comparison: Washington Capitals
Player To Watch: Tom Papley

Am I giving the Sydney Swans the Caps comparison because Tom Papley has been my favorite player to watch in the league so far? Yep. The Swans are sometimes called the “Bloods” which is interesting for an American, but you also can’t really go wrong with a red and white color scheme. If I personally had to choose a club to support and not just follow individual players around the league, the Swans would be my guys.

West Coast Eagles

State: Western Australia
Home venue: Perth Stadium
Song: We’re Flying High
Premierships: Men (1992, 1994, 2006, 2018)
NHL Team Comparison: St. Louis Blues
Player To Watch: Nic Naitanui

Nic Nat is the most physically imposing and one of the most dominant players in the AFL, so it’s worth watching West Coast to see him alone. The Eagles were the title winners in 2018 and are another team some have pegged for a return to the Grand Final this season. Eagles in general are just a very American animal and I like the blue and gold color scheme (Go Good Counsel Falcons).

Western Bulldogs

State: Victoria
Home venue: Docklands Stadium
Song: Sons of the West
Premierships: Men (1954, 2016), Women (2018)
NHL Team Comparison: Tampa Bay Lightning
Player To Watch: Marcus Bontempelli

Once underdogs, the Bulldogs are now a known threat. Many Australian outlets expect them to have a big season on the backs of their great midfield players. In the end, any team with a good ole doggo as their logo deserves some praise and red, white, and blue as your colors? Winning some points stateside for sure.

Catch a few rounds of matches (there are nine scheduled for this weekend), pick a team to support, and tweet at me (@CJC_95) that you’re watching and let’s give this awesome sport a boost in America.

On the broadcasting side of things, ESPN and FS1 seem to be airing at least a couple matches per week and if you don’t want to stay up real late or wake up real early, DVR those suckers. I severely doubt you’ll be spoiled by any American sports media before you can fire the recording up. Certain streaming sites that I can not confirm nor deny exist are always an option as well and will probably be your only “free” option once American sports start up again. Other than that, the AFL also has an overseas subscription service that charges either weekly, monthly, or yearly. Your first opportunity for any of this to matter will come on Friday at 5:40 AM as Collingwood and Greater Western Sydney match up on FS1. Then Hawthorn and North Melbourne do battle on Sunday at 4:05 AM, once again on FS1.

Also, don’t forget to support the game locally if you end up liking it as much as I do. The USAFL boasts both men’s and women’s teams in both DC and Baltimore. Both the USAFL and the Australian Football Association of North America are highly active on Twitter and I’m sure will answer any of your further questions.

Get to watching the footy!