Tom Wilson‘s having a fun night. With the division rivals Philadelphia Flyers in town, and them suddenly being not a total joke, Wilson performed his wilsonly duties perfectly in the first period.
It began with a mondo hit along the boards into Flyers defender Justin Braun.
👊#ALLCAPS Tom Wilson hit on #NowOrNever Justin Braun pic.twitter.com/YUjLboIC5a
— Here's Your Replay ⬇️ (@HeresYourReplay) March 5, 2020
Then, Wilson gave forward Michael Raffl a bit of the business near the benches, so Raffl retaliates with a hockey stick into Wilson’s penish region, which is what you call the region nearish the penis. Sorry, folks, we’re anatomically accurate here at RMNB.
on a scale of spitting, to kicking someone intentionally with your skate, where does spearing a dude in the dingleberries rate pic.twitter.com/siO9CItiZr
— b. (@youripides) March 5, 2020
Wilson was by that point fully hulked out, so he instigated a fight against Nate Thompson, who had committed the cardinal sin of Falling Kinda Near Tom’s Friend (in this case: Nick Jensen). Wilson pummeled Thompson.
WILSOOOOONNNN pic.twitter.com/Ja9xZoDG0o
— NBC Sports Capitals (@NBCSCapitals) March 5, 2020
Thompson survived. Wilson got assessed the extra two-minutes for flagrant wilsoning.
None of this had anything to do with the scoring part of hockey. Natural Stat Trick says Wilson generated 0.04 expected goals that period. But it’s entertainment, and we got to use the word penis in a hockey story again. This has been your Tom Wilson violence report.
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