With another dramatic couple of weeks, the NHL playoffs now roll into the third round. We had one sweep and one double-OT game-seven elimination, so as long as you could stay up late at night, you had a good round.
But the time for delighting in past is over. It’s time for predictions. It’s time for Keith, a coin.
You know Keith, right?
Keith, a Coin, III, is a 2002 quarter minted in Pennsylvania. He is 50-percent genius / 50-percent history’s greatest idiot.
Here are the results so far, using the toilet-or-taco system, which I’m submitting to NIST for standardization.
|Columbus beat Tampa||🚽||🌮||🌮|
|Boston beat Toronto||🌮||🚽||🌮|
|Carolina beat Washington||🚽||🚽||🚽|
|New York beat Pittsburgh||🚽||🚽||🌮|
|San Jose beat Vegas||🚽||🚽||🚽|
|Colorado beat Calgary||🚽||🌮||🚽|
|St Louis beat Winnipeg||🌮||🚽||🚽|
|Dallas beat Nashville||🌮||🚽||🚽|
|St Louis beat Dallas||🌮||🚽||🌮|
|Carolina beat New York||🌮||🌮||🌮|
|Boston beat Columbus||🌮||🌮||🚽|
|San Jose beat Colorado||🌮||🚽||🚽|
(Your boy Peter with the classic quad-taco round.)
Okay, time for round three.
Peter: The jerks now face their toughest challenge yet: a Boston team that doesn’t have many flaws outside of personality flaws. Rask is lights-out, Marchand is scoring non-stop, Chara can still eat a man whole. Still, I believe in the Canes, who got much-needed rest during after their sweep and are getting healthier every day. I’ll give them the edge, but Boston is a tougher match-up for them than either Washington or Long Island. Gimme Carolina in 7.
Ian: The Eastern Conference Final will pit two teams who play very good system hockey against each other. One team is clearly loved by NHL fans; the other is hated. First, let’s talk about the heroes: the Carolina Hurricanes. They rolled through the reigning champs, making them tap out in extra time of Game Seven. In the second round, the Canes destroyed the Islanders, sweeping them in four games. Carolina’s work at five-on-five and on the forecheck was inspired, and when they play at home, that energy they get from the crowd makes them even more dangerous. But then there’s the Boston Bruins. Sixteen different Bs have scored in this year’s postseason, which is absolutely insane, including four guys with five goals or more: David Pastrnak (6), Brad Marchand (5), Patrice Bergeron (5), and Charlie Coyle (5). Then there’s weird ol’ Tuukka Rask who has morphed into a brick wall and put up nearly a .940 save percentage in the postseason. Ultimately, I think the Bruins will win in the margins. Let me use a wrestling metaphor here. The Bruins are the type of team that will eye-rake an opponent when the official’s back is turned. The Bruins are just better heels than the Hurricanes are babyfaces. Boston in 7.
Peter: Alright so I think I give up on predicting playoff series based on goalies. Martin Jones was the only reason the Sharks didn’t compete with the Bolts for the Presidents’ Trophy, but he’s also been a major factor in San Jose besting the Avs. But now we’re in round three, and I’m going to take nothing for granted. I’m flying a little blind here, but the Sharks have the Blues beat pretty much everywhere up and down the lineup with maybe the sole exception of in net. San Jose in 5.
Ian: I have predicted every round that the San Jose Sharks will lose because of how bad Martin Jones is and I’m not stopping now. St Louis in 6.
Keith: St Louis.
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