The technology company PopSugar has released a new
honeypot feature that identifies your celebrity twin. You feed it a photo, and then it shows you a picture of the famous person you supposedly look like. As part of our ongoing scientific research here at RMNB, we have forced the poor bot to look at the ugly mugs of the 2018-19 Capitals, and here’s how it replied. 👯
…This checks out.
Devine has made his career playing charismatic bad boys with hearts of gold and hidden talents but who live on the outskirts of society. Nailed it again, algorithm.
Both wear hats: ✅
Both got rad beards: ✅
Both will play Wonderwall on guitar in the middle of a party and everyone’s too polite to ask them to stop: ✅ and mate
I didn’t know who this was, so I looked him on the ol’ youtubes, where the algorithm recommended that I next watch:
And that’s all I really needed to know. Brett deserves better, though he shares some blame for having that haircut.
I don’t know who Calvin Harris is, which is unfortunate. Keep reading.
Son of a — him again?! Okay, I’m googling it. He’s apparently Scottish and he dated Taylor Swift. That’s probably all I need to know. I can probably forget this immediately.
Oh no, Christian! Beware of those newfangled automobiles and also World War I. It will end badly for you, I promise.
I don’t know Chris “Ludacris” Bridges’ politics or his charitable work, but I absolutely adore DSP, so Luda the Intruda better be flattered. If not, move, Chris, get out the way.
The Hunger Games guy! Dude’s gotten a bit more grizzled since he was [recalls the plot of Hunger Games] torn to pieces by holographic wolves. Man, young adult fiction is hardcore.
Of all the Caps, I think Dmitry Orlov would make the best reality TV star. Fella is low-key hilarious.
WRONG! WRONG! ALGORITHM IS WRONG! Kuznetsov is way more charismatic than imitation Han Solo.
Do you know who this guy is? I didn’t. I was like “meh, probably some marginal celebrity” and then I looked it up and his video has ONE BILLION VIEWS. Am… am I old?
This is the — what — fourth most famous guy in One Direction? Shyeah right, John wishes.
Wikipedia tells me that Cabral, now a successful actor and writer, was a former gang member who served time in prison and was addicted to crack cocaine before turning his life around, which, if you think about it, is exactly like how Siegenthaler used to eat too many potato chips.
My first instinct was to say Bowey’s got like a hundredth of the game that Weeknd does, but actually I bet he does okay.
Coincidentally: Matt Niskanen is also too good for Rory.
Sure, this is an uncanny resemblance, but another faux-country music artist? The algorithm is broken; I’m filing a bug ticket with PopSugar and I’m calling my senator.
These pics of Faris and Dowd belie how scary they can be. Faris is ripped to hell and every other photo of Nic Dowd is him looking menacing.
Another Rory boyfriend. Sigh, this is disappointing, but at least he’s not Jared Padalecki.
I don’t know this dude. Apparently he played a minor character in the Twilight movies. It’s eery how much he looks like our boy Osh. So… why is he wearing a leaf necklace? Is he about to jump into a comically oversized black iron cauldron filled with broth and carrots?
If there’s one more goddamn YA movie heartthrob in this list I’m gonna throw a brick at my computer. I wanna put these two dudes in a room to have a two-man-enter/one-man-leave competition for sharpest jawline.
WHOEVER CALVIN HARRIS IS, I HATE YOU. Wear a damn necktie. Stop slightly puckering your lips. Stop smizing. Stop looking like every white boy on earth but prettier. I’m sick of it.
Additional reporting by Cara Bahniuk
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