Hi, my name is Ian Oland. I’m driving the Capitals bandwagon. Over the last few weeks, we’ve traveled all over North America, picking up many new friends. Now that our favorite team has vanquished their mighty, bracelet-throwing foes from Philadelphia, even more people want to jump aboard this here wagon.
First, we’re going to give our oxen some spinach so we can make a cross-country gallop to California to pick up the entire Los Angeles Kings organization.
Last week, the Kings were eliminated in the first round. They have found a new team to root for: our Capitals.
— LA Kings (@LAKings) April 23, 2016
That’s a bold pick, LA. Also bold: leaving Mike Richards‘ name out of your declaration. Your tweet had 82 characters, Richards’ name is 13 characters long, and Twitter allows 140. You do the math.
At least Mr. Justin Williams was honored by the gesture.
— Justin Williams (@JustinWilliams) April 25, 2016
We’re also picking up celebrity Wil Wheaton. Former child actor (Star Trek: The Next Generation, Stand By Me, The Secret of Nimh) and current geek icon (his excellent gaming video series Tabletop, his support for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, his regular appearances on The Big Bang Theory), Wheaton is also a long-time, die-hard Kings fan. Or at least he was, until the Kings got eliminated. Now he’s sitting with all of us.
Go Caps! #PlayoffsMistress
— Wil 'this account mocks fascists' Wheaton (@wilw) April 24, 2016
We also need to give a front row seat to NASCAR driver Ryan Ellis who re-declared his love for the Capitals to us in person at Richmond International Speedway. It was young Ryan’s second career start in the auto-racing big league.
Finally, and this one is special, look at what I found in the chicken coop over the weekend. I’m calling it the gr8 egg. If that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.
A photo posted by Ian Oland (@ianrmnb) on
In summary, the Los Angeles Kings franchise, Wheaton, Ellis, and my gr8 egg join Detective Stabler, the Washington Nationals, The Karate Kid, Mike Milbury, Keith Jones, Keith Olbermann, Alan Thicke, Teddy Sears, Taylor Kitsch, Scott Stevens, Mike Rupp, Neil Smith, Mike Johnson, Dave Reid, Elliotte Friedman, Nick Kypreos, Doug MacLean, Mike Modano, Roddy White, Alex Trebek, Larry King, All Hockey Oddsmakers, EA Sports’ NHL 16, and this number eight branded Utz potato chip my mother gave me on this here wagon.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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