Ed. note: Please say hello to Victoria Dravis, RMNB’s latest acquisition.
Hockey players: They’re just like us! (And by us, I mean me and the thousands of other teenage girls hooked on the best game on Earth; no bias.)
Speaking of game, just look at Tom Wilson and Andre Burakovsky‘s Snapchat and Instagram game on the two whitest social networks above. So on point. #nofilter
The Washington Capitals had an eight-day break between games thanks to Snowzilla/Jonas/Brrr-akovsky, and they kept themselves plenty busy.
Nicklas Backstrom laid in the snow (didn’t we all?). Alex Ovechkin mowed the white fluffy stuff from his lawn in a snazzy RUSSIA coat. Nate Schmidt joined a snowball fight, which is why he would be the coolest best friend ever. Li’l Willy joined a few kids, including Jason Chimera‘s child, in a game of snow hockey (??), which was so cute and brought metaphorical tears to my eyes because Tom is amazing with children and is going to make his future wife super happy one day.
Brobean #1, although, had a more productive break than most.
Trekking all the way from Arlington into Georgetown last Tuesday, Tom presents us with this:
If you listen closely, you can hear white girls around the country crying, striving to be even half as basic as the man seen above.
I consider myself to be a gourmet coffee connoisseur, and I can (almost) guarantee Tom Wilson ordered a small, non-fat, java chip frappucino, with no whip but extra chocolate drizzle. Or maybe it’s just an iced coffee. Either way, it was, like, 25 degrees that week, so I’m questioning why Tom felt the need to order a cold drink.
Willy is also seen wearing a baseball cap, which is all the rage with teenage girls these days. Strike two. (Honestly, I wasn’t even planning on making a baseball reference, but I think it worked really well.)
And we can’t forget the dessert. Okay, so white girls aren’t the only ones who like cupcakes, but whenever I go to Georgetown Cupcakes, I always see flocks of teens. So, wondering what kind of cupcakes Tom picked up?
First row: Chocolate Birthday, Chocolate, Cookies & Creme; second row: Peanut Butter Fudge, Red Velvet
I’m guessing one of them is gone because he just couldn’t even and had to have it then and there. Barry Trotz would be so proud of his player for keeping such a strict diet, even during the break.
So, there you go. Your favorite hockey player just turned into your favorite basic white girl. He’d totally be down to cry over Titanic and watch The Bachelor with you, and you’re just so #blessed to have such an awesome BFF. Get him a Lily Pulitzer planner ASAP so he can pencil in all his games. I guarantee he has some UGG boots in the back of his closet, just waiting to be worn.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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