This morning, the NHL released a series of tweets promoting this weekend’s All-Star Game in Nashville. Each tweet included a graphic to get to know each team’s mascot. Slapshot, the Caps mascot, said his (its?) favorite country artist is Luke Bryan, which makes me wonder if Slapshot is secretly Karl Alzner, but that’s a topic for another day.
Then there was Slapshot’s favorite comfort food. Slapshot named Carolina pulled pork, and put Stormy in parentheses. Stormy is the Hurricanes mascot. Stormy says he is a pig, but he looks more like a mouse to me.
Eating another mascot is pretty hardcore answer. Is that even possible? RMNB investigates!
Taken literally, a human in an animal suit says he wants to eat another human in an animal suit after that human has been cooked slow and low on a charcoal fire then torn apart with forks. That is inappropriate. That’s cannibalism and it’s wrong.
But in an imaginary land where mascots are animals and represent our actual food chain, it makes sense. Mostly.
According to Eagle Nature, the American bald eagle’s diet consists of 60 to 90 percent fish. Most of this is scavenged as dead fish, though bald eagles do hunt and catch live fish as well when they are available. The type of fish caught depends on location; eagles typically hunt and scavenge whichever type of fish is prevalent. Mullet and black fish, which swim near the surface, are likely prey. The remainder of the bald eagle’s diet consists of smaller birds, including herons and crows, as well as chickens and small pigs. They have also been known to chase other birds of prey, snatching their food once they drop it.
The bald eagle is an opportunistic carnivore with the capacity to consume a great variety of prey. So, yes, an eagle could take out a pig.
The problem is that Stormy weighs maybe 180-220 pounds. Slapshot would have to catch him in a sneak attack, maybe when Stormy is vulnerable and has fallen asleep, such as during a Canes game because the Canes are terrible and who would want to watch the Canes.
So, in summary, if Stormy were slow-cooked and then pulled apart and then covered in a nice tangy vinegar-based sauce, that’s definitely a doable meal for an eagle.
I can’t believe I wrote this.
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