For decades, the ugly Christmas sweater has been a fashion faux pas, an ugly, handstiched gift from grandma that you felt obligated to wear on the one day out of the year you actually see her. The colors are often a garish red and green, featuring designs of reindeer, snowmen, holly, and a waving Santa sewn on it. It looks terrible. You look terrible.
The NHL is attempting to out-ugly nana this year by selling their own version of the ugly Christmas sweater. They are so hideous that they are kind of beautiful. You must own one. There is a design for most NHL teams. Three players are immortalized in wool: Jonathan Quick, Patrick Kane, and our own Alex Ovechkin.
The ugly Ovechkin sweater features the Caps logo, the capitol dome half-colored in white, poinsettias, and a bunch of poorly stitched pucks. It’s as beautiful as the man it honors.
The ugly Capitals sweater features the the team’s nickname in a serif font, MOAR poinsettias, and some bizarre eagle symbol.
Here are the rest of the NHL team designs.
I’m not just a fan of these sweaters, I’m also an owner.
I can attest they’re warm and you’ll get all cheap laughs. Maybe it’ll even help you woo that cute ladyfriend who digs guys with a weird sense of humor.
North America: do the right thing. Buy these abominations and win your work’s Christmas Ugly Sweater contest this year.
It’s the right thing to do.
— Erin Magee (@CapsErin) November 12, 2014
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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