We issued a challenge, oh faithful users of the Russian Machine, to create Caps-themed Christmas cards. The only rule: use an inferior graphics program or blingee.com to make it.
What we avoided telling you — just like my parents who took 14 years to come clean to me about the whole Santa thing (he IS real) — was that we didn’t have to follow the same rules. Above, is our holiday card by RMNB’s house illustrator, Rachel Cohen.
Meanwhile, you guys rocked this assignment harder than a Dmitry Orlov hip check. Though, to be honest, some of these submissions might land you on Santa’s naughty list once I post this. I apologize beforehand. Cruise on past the jump to check out the gallery and see what I mean.
First, the mega-talented Josh Wilcox (a must-follow on Twitter @thatwilcoxguy) shows us that while adults might find Ovi’s gap-toothed smile endearing, babies are terrified by it.
Stephanie Carosa’s (@carrotbazooka on Twitter) card tells that the Caps’ Swedes celebrate Christmas too. In a weird, Charles Schultz-y way. And with an easy-to-build tree from IKEA designed by European artist SINTERKLAAS.
Brendan Sheridan (@MD_DC on Twitter) shows us who’s really running things in DC. Click on it to take a closer look. The players look SO conniving!
The @KnublesKnights Xmas “card” is a crystal-clear sign of mental illness.
Beyond this card being cute and well done, I also must applaud Kathryn Tighe for making Karl Alzner the Santa here. While he’s neither the captain or a leading scorer, he can grow the best beard. It just makes sense for him to be Saint Nick. Also, while we’re talking about it, please like our Facebook fan page dedicated to Alzner’s beard.
Michele Hopper shows off her entire family of Caps fans. I want to high-five you all.
Shockingly, HolidayBlues.tumblr.com was the only person to send us a JibJab video this year. Though this one is particularly funny with Ovi’s face the way it is. Check it out to see what I mean!
Via Molly Yanchulis, we have Ovechkin in the manger scene! I can only imagine, his first words to baby Jesus were “ahaha best))))))”
After fat-gate over the summer (and really, in hindsight, how freaking stupid was that?), Miranda Kerr jokingly believes that Ovi would rather have the McDonalds’ buffet than lead the NHL in goals.
@Hockey_Fan_10 wants to wish us all a Merry Capsmas.
Let’s all thank @Caps_Girl for giving Mike Green and Ovechkin such seductive poses here.
RMNB readers Brooks L. and Joel W. would like to wish you guys a Merry Christmas. Though it takes them forever to spit it out.
RMNB reader Elizabeth Seuss re-writes the 12 Days of Christmas for Caps fans.
Eve R. gives more free advertisement on our site for Rosetta Stone. Remember guys, Ted Leonsis isn’t just an owner, he’s a customer too!
Who needs Robin when you can have Brooks Laich? Nice job, Richard Skelton!
This may not be Caps or Christmas related, but Don Cherry’s piano desk cracks me up. Thanks for sending it over, @skylarmoonbeam!
All Kellie S. wants for Christmas is Braden Holtby to be the starting goaltender.
Finally, my personal gift to you guys, which I’ve re-gifted from Jack Anderson: The 12 Days of Jeanneret. For those of you who don’t know, Rick Jeanneret is the play-by-play guy for the Sabres. Beyond Joe B and Mike Emrick, there’s no better announcer in the NHL. A few years ago, XM Radio posted this song to celebrate some of his more brilliant and uh… eccentric calls during his career. RIGHT WHERE MOMMA HIDES THE COOKIES. With the Capitals playing Buffalo on Monday, it seemed apropos. Enjoy!
One more? Okay! Why not? Let’s close with one last card from our uber-talented illustrator Rachel Cohen.
Welp, Merry Christmas, you guys! Let us know which cards you like most in the comments below. And have a safe and wonderful holiday.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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