Actor Dax Shepard has been making the rounds over the last week, promoting his new film CHiPs – a big-screen adaptation of the famous TV series from the 1970s and ’80s.
Thursday, the former Punk’d star did a web interview with Hot Ones host Sean Evans, which involved eating ridiculously spicy hot wings and talking about important topics such as Shepard’s man crush of Jay-Z, his deep love for Costco, and his admiration of Alex Ovechkin’s nostrils.
I’m serious.
Video
The topic of Ovechkin came up when Shepard was asked about his nose.
Sean Evans: “You’re the proud owner of a prestigious snoz. And I mean that as a compliment of the highest honor. In fact, you once said that you want your nose to be kind of celebrated the same way Chuck Norris’s beard was celebrated. So I want to show you some of the most celebrated noses in popular culture and I want you to tell me if they match up to yours, if they’re better, if they’re worse, and then maybe crown a champion. I would appreciate that.”
Dax Shepard: “Before we look at them, I kind of want to walk the viewer through what’s going on with my nose. At first and foremost, you’ll notice it’s just big on its own, right? I was also in a fist fight where a gentleman was kind enough to break it, so it’s really crooked too. I don’t know if you noticed while we’re sitting here, but it goes this way.”
[Shepard makes motion where it slants to the left]Sean Evans: “You need that kind of blueprint. That’s what makes it so great. You need that character.”
Dax Shepard: “Fingerprint, if you will. The character. But also my nostrils, just to add to the bigness and crookedness, my nostrils don’t match. They’re not homogeneous. They’re heterogeneous. It’s the worst thing an actor can have. Let’s see what you’ve got.”
OWEN WILSON PHOTO
Dax Shepard: “Well he’s the Bruce Lee of noses. I will say that a Director/Producer I worked with who had worked with Owen told me, ‘Hey, are you being careful on how you light this thing because it can be a real mess.’
“‘Are you kidding me? I just did a movie with Owen Wilson. It’s like his face threw up on itself.’
“I said, ‘Wow, that’s quite a description of a nose!’
“But his is very sexy. I think he pulls his off very nicely.”
ALEX OVECHKIN PHOTO
Sean Evans: A hockey player whose nose has been broken about 5 times.
Dax Shepard: “He’s a hockey player. What I’ll say about him is that he still has sexy, panther-like nostrils. Somehow his nostrils have stayed symmetrical. Keep those nostrils intact and you’re going to be okay. Mine are not intact.”
MONA LISA PHOTO
Sean Evans: “This is a very famous nose. The Mona Lisa nose.”
Dax Shepard: “I love that nose. I think they call that a Roman-esque nose don’t they? I find it very attractive when women have that. In fact, I hate my nose but then I see people with big crazy noses, I kind of love it on them.”
Sean Evans: “Can you give me a king or a queen in this? And you can throw your own nose in there. Who has the greatest nose?”
Dax Shepard: “Ernest Borgnine for my money. It’s just like six pounds of hamburger on his face or something. It’s so incredible.”
The interview is YouTube’s third-most trending video of the day.
So now, if you go to see CHiPs this weekend, you’ll be reminded of one thing: Ovechkin’s grotesquely broken nose.
S/T to Gordon Muldoon for the heads up.
