For one week only you can buy RMNB’s Emoji poster for $15.
Late last week, Apple released the latest version of iOS. It was cool and all, but there was still one major problem.
Still no hockey emoji pic.twitter.com/TVZhAH8Agl
— Hockey Culture (@HockeyCuIture) April 8, 2015
Apple refuses to create emoji for the greatest sport in the world!
RMNB is here to fix all of that– at least for the Capitals. You can thank illustrator Rachel Cohen (and my crazy mind too).
[Special Note: Please feel free to take these images (you can download all of them here) and use them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram as you see fit. These are meant to be shared, remixed, and enjoyed. So in summary: have fun.]
In the playoffs, there is one player who can grown a beard better than all the rest. And that man is Karl Alzner. Alzner’s beard so thick and lustrous, the Verizon Center Bird once nested inside of it during a playoff run.
You could call Jay Beagle Mr. Intangibles during the playoffs. Beags wins face-offs, blocks shots, penalty kills, shows grit, and– in a weird twist this season– makes skill plays. Beagle might play limited minutes, but when Barry Trotz lets him run free out in the yard, he’s always making us say aloud “Good boy.”
Powered by kale, Brusin’ Brooks Orpik is a hitting machine in the defensive zone. Sure, BOPRIK may not have scored a single goal in 78 games this season, but you better keep your head up or POW! You’ll be staring straight up at the Verizon Center lights above while the crowd roars with delight.
This season, the Capitals’ best goal scorer behind Alex Ovechkin was one Troy Brouwer. Brouwer scored 21 huge goals– none bigger than his Winter Classic-winning tally with 12.9 seconds left. Brouwer’s spirit animals, the spandex-clad Brouwer Rangers, give him this mighty goal-scoring pouwer.
Andre Burakovsky might not get a sweater during the playoffs, but he has proven to be a superstar in the making. If the Burracuda does play, don’t be surprised if he becomes the break-out player of a given series. Don’t sleep on this emoji.
Ever since he scored the golden goal for the United States in 2010, John Carlson has been an American hero. Carly has had his best season to date in the NHL, leading all Caps defensemen in goals, assists, and points.
Like a F16, Eric Fehr can strike within seconds. The children’s book author is a former three-time 50-goal scorer in junior with the Brandon Wheat Kings. While Barry Trotz had him center the team’s shutdown line this season, the Winkler, Manitoba-native has moves like he’s in a video game when he has open ice. The NHL’s All-Time Outdoor Game goal leader always comes up clutch during big moments.
Tim Gleason may not be able to skate or score goals, but he is an A+ face-puncher and hitter. The question isn’t if The Glease will be unleashed in the playoffs, it’s when.
At the trade deadline, the Caps landed top-six forward Curtis Glencross. The former Flame scored five points in his first five games with the Caps, including three first period goals which netted fans free Roy Rogers. We recommend the Gold Rush Chicken Sandwich.
Alex Ovechkin is the Caps new franchise goal-scoring leader. He’s a future hall of famer. He’s so great that at some point great will be spelled with an 8 at the end. And let’s be honest, this emoji might actually get created by Apple someday.
Mike Green is one of a kind. The former Norris nominee will be scoring goals during the playoffs with a stick that was discontinued 10-years ago. He also was once filmed by HBO driving a Vespa around town. This year during the playoffs, Greenie will ride again (hopefully straight to an office where he can sign a new contract with the Capitals).
Braden Holtby played in an insane 73 of 82 Caps games this season. He’s not human; he’s a beast. He doesn’t take crap in the crease. I’m pretty sure that’s because he thinks it’s his den and he’s protecting his young.
Jason Chimera hasn’t had the greatest season, but he’s still like a Cheetah on the ice. When in full stride, Chimera can out-skate any player- even with a less aerodynamic nose.
Evgeny Kuznetsov is the Caps’ new second line center, growing more comfortable by the day. His teammates have lovingly referred to him as Kuzy, because I guess Zhenya or Kuzma are too Russian. To celebrate, Kuznetsov’s emoji is the greatest double entendre to ever entendre.
Brooks Laich is healthy for the first time in three years. Laich’s shot-blocking will be huge on the Caps’ penalty kill during the playoffs. I predict many big moments where this Laich emoji, inspired by the Facebook Like, could be posted on Twitter.
Much like Brooks Orpik, Michael Latta did not score a goal this season either. But he did punch a lot of faces. He also played a crucial role on the Caps’ Winter Classic TV show on EPIX, where they documented roomies’ refrigerator. It was almost entirely empty, minus three ketchup bottles. “Lats went to Costco and got the best ketchup deal in the entire world,” Wilson said proudly. “Three for one.”
Swedes on bikes. ‘Nuff said.
Not only is Nicklas Backstrom the Caps’ new all-time assist leader, he’s also Tom Wilson and Michael Latta’s dad, according to Tom Wilson and Michael Latta. “Lats and I have kind of an inside joke that no one touches Backy. No one touches our dad.”
Latta added, “We call [Backy] papa.”
Matt Niskanen was the Caps’ biggest offseason signing. While his dashboard stats took a nose-dive, Niskanen has been one of the team’s best all-around defensemen all season long. One of his greatest assets is the cannon he unleashes from the point. When he has time and space, Niskanen’s shot is hard and heavy, almost impossible to stop.
Dmitry Orlov broke his wrist during last year’s World Championship and has not played in a game all season long. He’s the Caps’ secret weapon, a depth defenseman should someone be felled by injury. Orly, as his teammates call him, will look to Scoarlov during the playoffs– if he can get a sweater.
Justin Peters‘ nickname is Pete-Dawg. He’s in Barry Trotz’s doghouse. He will not play in any game during the playoffs unless something goes terribly, terribly wrong.
A few seasons ago, Joel Ward got the Caps out of the first-round by scoring a game seven OTGWG against the Bruins. Since then, he’s been known as The Big Cheese.
“I don’t know why we call him the Big Cheese; we just do,” Karl Alzner said.
“Joel is the Big Cheese because he’s the big cheese,” Troy Brouwer explained. “Look at him. He’s the Big Cheese.”
So finally, I just went to Ward and asked for an assist.
“Just the big guy on campus, you know?” the forward told me. “The Big Cheese, it’s like the king on the throne. I mean, the Cheese kind of holds everything together in here, you know?”
Exactly. And now it’s an emoji.
Caps’ enforcer Tom Wilson creates havoc whenever he’s on the ice. If you’re not going to the box, he is. It’s just how he plays. If you get mad enough to fight him, you’ll be seeing one of those fists up-close-and-personal to your grill.
We are selling posters of these emoji for $15. It will be a limited run of 500. They will be available for one week only.
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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