Stop smiling. Stop smiling. STOP SMILING. AHIGUEWOG

I didn’t like this game and I don’t like you. I like only my dog and tacos. Everything else sucks, starting with the Caps, then followed by the weather, and then back to the Caps again,. Let’s get this over with quickly.

Instead of sweeping the Pittsburgh Penguins in the regular-season series, the Capitals played maybe their worst game of the season. There were glimmers of awesome, but they were islanded in a stream of suck.

It was all Pens early, and then Patrick Hornqvist finally made the Caps pay for their carelessness. The Pens got ornery after that, but the Caps didn’t convert on the penalties. Instead, Matt Niskanen made a bad drop to an out-of-position Andre Burakovsky, so Brendan Sutter secured a shorthanded goal. John Carlson gave us something to be proud of late in the period with a sweet shot, but we knew this game wasn’t going well.

It only got worse in the second period’s penalty parade. That frame featured seven Capitals penalties, though it resulted in only one goal: Sidney Crosby’s slick wrister. His first point against the Caps this season.

Chimera and Brouwer crashed the net early in the third to make it a one-goal game, but Chris Kunitz thoroughly outworked Evgeny Kuznetsov to deflate our balloon. Late, Alex Ovechkin showed a glimpse of life with an Ovi shot from the Ovi spot. It wasn’t enough, but it was something not to hate about tonight.

Pens beat Caps 4-3. 

• Jason Chimera was the Capitals’ most valuable player, assisting– and veritably creating two goals with genuinely smart play. The overall pattern wasn’t good, but those were two great plays– making space for Carlson and funneling the puck to the paint for Brouwer. Bravo, but…
• Chimera and Tom Wilson committed two penalties on the faaaaaar end of the ice. I’m not sure what Chimera was doing, but Wilson seemed to let his temper get the best of him after leveling a big clean hit on Christian Ehrhoff. I’d have preferred if Wilson followed the example of his captain, who, when faced with anklebiting waterfowl, laughed and skated away, secure in the knowledge that he’d do more damage on the ice than in the box.
• THERE WAS A FIIIIIIREFIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

• Evgeny Kuznetsov looked every bit the rookie tonight, but so did Marcus Johansson, whose soft hands must’ve been gifted to Jason Chimera. And it’s not like Andre Burakovsksy was setting the world on fire. And Cam Schilling, whom we won’t be seeing again. And Backstrom and Orpik and I think even Bruce the organ guy was off his game. Everything sucks. Let’s talk about something that doesn’t suck.
• The power play. Wait, shoot, no. That sucked too. The Capitals nearly went 0-for-12,424,812,4b1,241 on the man advantage despite having drilled it earlier this week. Without that lone Ovi shot from the Ovi spot late in the third, we’d be spending the next few days obsessing over the bad Washington PP. The problem, using the ol’ eye test, doesn’t seem to be in the offensive zone, but rather in the gaining of the offensive zone. When Marcus Johansson and Backstrom can’t get it done in neutral, the Capitals power play isn’t quite so elite.
• You know who doesn’t suck? Alex Ovechkin. Ovi spent most of the second period on the bench, but finally did his thing in the third period. He can partially redeem even stinky nights.

Ted and Gary cashmere sweater and suit of the night. I miss Joe B so hard.

Did you guys like the lines today? Did you have a big smiley face when you saw top-line Burakovsky? I hope you enjoyed it, because I doubt we’ll see it again. Despite their best lineup in weeks, the Caps played an atrocious game against a division rival.

A slow start, a dearth of discipline, bad breakouts, enervated entries, and rookie… mistakes. Even though it was close late, the Caps can’t– and shouldn’t– win when they play this bad.

Yuck.

Full RMNB Coverage of Caps vs Penguins