Photo: Patrick McDermott 

Dudes! Welcome back. Grab a Surge from the cooler and take a seat, let’s do a game recap.

The Washington Capitals, your preferred hockey team, hosted the Montreal Canadiens, who don’t even make us cry anymore, to open up the season. The Caps had poise for a bit but then they didn’t. We’re just 1.22% through the season, so that’s to be expected.

Andre Burakovsky scored just two minutes into his career, a nifty one from the slot set up by Troy Brouwer.

P.A. Parenteau tied it up halfway through the third, but the goal was washed out for goaltender interference. Tomas Plekanec’s marker a couple minutes later had no such controversy and tied the game. Rene Bourque scored late in the game with an ICBM to Holtby’s far side hahaha nope, hit the post, that’s what you get for being awful, Rene.

Those nullified goals gave us a dry scrape and the first overtime of the season, but no one could score. Dammit, back to the shootout, which the Caps did way too much of last season. But at least we get to do…

Shootout bullets!

• Backstrom put the biscuit in the basket
• Galchenyuk put the biscuit in the basket
• Kuznetsov did NOT put the biscuit in the basket
• Desharnais put the biscuit in the basket
• Fehr put the biscuit in the basket
• Parenteau did NOT put the biscuit in the basket
• Ovi did NOT put the biscuit in the basket
• Plekanec did NOT put the biscuit in the basket
• Burakovsky did NOT put the biscuit in the basket
• I regret going with this bit
• Gallagher put the biscuit in the basket

Habs beat Caps 2-1 (Shootout).

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Sorry, pal.

• Oh god. I forgot how to do these. Plus I’m sick. Go easy on me.
• Andre Burakovsky, with all of 125 seconds under his belt, scored his first NHL goal on his second NHL shot. Great shot by Bura (Bursky? Dre? Barracude?), but credit also belongs to Brouwer, who hoisted PK Subban on his own petard to set the rookie up.
• The Caps outshot the Habs 15 to 2 after the first period. I can’t remember a more dominant period, but that might just be the fever I’m coming down with. Everything hurts right now except hockey.
• Liam O’Brien got in a fight with Brandon Prust in his first NHL game, which is less impressive than scoring. O’Brien was either sticking up for his teammate, Jack Hillen, who just got clobbered, or foolishly trying to justify his spot on the roster. Either way, he put his team shorthanded and accomplished nothing.
• Barry Trotz doesn’t seem to be eager to roll all four lines. Evgeny Kuznetsov played barely two minutes of 5v5 through the first 40 minutes. That’s not super surprising since the Caps’ fourth line has a combined jersey number of 24725125 (noobs), but it’s a little concerning. If you’re a forward looking to have a career with the Caps, you wanna be in the top 9.
• Captain Alex Ovechkin neutralized two power plays with penalties, though the second one, a hold in front of Holtby, was probably a good one to take. Ovi got 4 shots on goal and ruled the puck with Backstrom and Fehr on his right flank.
• The whole top six was pretty deadly (70-plus%  possession). I didn’t expect that, but I very much like it. Let’s see what they can do against Boston on Saturday.
• I think there were some gremlins in the NHL’s time on ice data.
• Did Subban stink tonight? It seems like every time I noticed him he seemed gassed. He did managed to rip 4 shots on goal, which clouded up Holtby’s otherwise clean net, but PK was mostly flat. Ulent.
• I remember a certain washed-out goal vs Montreal back in spring of 2010. Getting the call to finally go our team’s way in game one of the regular season doesn’t quite feel like revenge, but it temporarily saved the game for the Caps. The guilty party was Rene Bourque, who is just a peach. Bourque was scoured again a few minutes later with a dinger that he seemed so certain was a good goal. If I said I love it, would that make me a vindictive person?
• Jack Hillen survived.
• Brooks Orpik laid out a bunch (6) of big, tangible hits in his first game in the Caps uniform. That’s exactly what we expected of him. That and getting outshot while on the ice. He also did that (23 to 10, though with overwhelmingly defensive deployments). [UPDATE: That’s just flat-out wrong. Caps outshot 16-12 with Orpik on the ice. Sorry. New stat sites are confounding.] I’m not gonna turn every game into a trial on the Orpik contract though; that would be tedious. And those hits were pretty nice for what they were.

Joe B suit of the night, y’all.

I’m a little under the weather (so sick(((((), so forgive me if this wrap-up is abrupt.

Like I said before, that was just 1.22% of the season. It’s absurdly early to draw conclusions. All we have are half a hundred on-ice events and a few tangible details, the stuff we talk about when we lack real insight or articulation.

Rather than play that game, I’m gonna abstain from making any sweeping generalizations. The Caps of the first period will not be the Caps of 82 games. Nor will the Caps of the third. Burakovsky may or may not be the next Ovechkin. Orpik may or may not be this team’s savior. Holtby may or may not be the G.O.A.T.

Let’s let the season unfold before us. Let’s just enjoy what we’ve got. Let’s get ready for moar. Hockey is back, friends. Is party now.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to pass out in my bathtub. I’ll leave you with one of Nicky Backstrom’s favorite songs. It’s not bad!

Full RMNB Coverage of Caps vs Habs