The Washington Capitals’ season ended abruptly in May. Since being laid to rest by the New York Rangers, all players have returned home to their native lands for the summer. And yet, there’s still a Cap hanging around DC, refusing to be peeled away. That man is Karl Alzner.
Perhaps you’ve seen him?
— Elisabeth Meinecke (@lismeinecke) June 6, 2013
Karl Alzner is on the metro with me!!!! twitter.com/jaymudddd/stat…
— Julie Mudzo (@jaymudddd) June 5, 2013
Alzner is chilling on the metro as part of an advertisement for Think Arlington: Intersections, a promotion by the city of Arlington* to show the wide variety of industries and businesses in the weird Virginia city.
Instead of going back-to-back to brohan John Carlson (who did a promotion awfully similar to this a few years ago #DisasterPound), Alzner is featured next to Angela Torpy, a teacher at Tuckahoe Elementary School.
“Arlington, Virginia is at the intersection of major league sports and top-ranked public education,” the poster exclaims. “Where eye-opening speed and strength converge with a passion for expanding young minds. That’s what makes it Arlington.” No, I’m pretty sure what makes Arlington is the forever gridlocked traffic, white guys driving Priuses, and hosting 47% of the nation’s Starbucks.
Here’s the poster. Click on it to download the PDF, print it out, and hang it up in your room. I guess.
Our fake sources tell us that Alzner’s dogs, Charlie and Murphy, were set to be part of the campaign until they ate Torpy’s algebra books and had to be crated in a secure facility.
Next time you see Karl, say hi for us. Wave to him and take a picture. People won’t think that’s weird at all. Tweet the picture at us. We love that sort of thing. Maybe you could draw a playoff beard on him. I’m sure that’s not against the law. If we get enough pics, maybe we’ll post a gallery later this summer.
* I have no idea where this Arlington place actually is. I’m pretty sure most Marylanders don’t either. Is it close to The Clarendon, that mythological city in lower earth where fire-breathing dragons fly around hunting for treasure?
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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