Photo credit: Boston Police Department

If the Washington Capitals were this bad last year, and the only thing that kept them afloat was Dale Hunter’s coaching, I feel like I’d owe him an apology. On Tuesday, instead of watching NCIS: Los Angeles, starring LL Cool J and Robin from Batman Forever, we all watched the Carolina Hurricanes mollywhomp the Caps. It was just wretched hockey, the kind so intolerable you’d think it’d inspire change in the organization. You’d think.

It was bad. It was really bad. How bad? Joe Corvo scored. Yeah. That bad.

Canes beat Caps 4-0.

• Maybe this is all punishment for the PuckBuddys pregamer.
• The game’s first goal was a weird one. Fired from below the goal line, the puck appeared to bounce off the back of Braden Holtby‘s shoulder/mask before dropping into the net. I don’t really know what to make of it, and I’ll defer to goalie experts if they correct me, but it appears Holtby has surrendered goals in consecutive games because he failed to lock down the post.
• Joe Corvo scored that goal. That’s pirate-looking, do-nothing, ex-Cap, nigh-felon Joe Corvo. Semin got the assist, as if the night could’ve been any less pleasant. Nice try.
• But if you’re looking for Sasha drama, this game had it all in the second period. Alex Ovechkin‘s stick caught Alex Semin in the face on a followthrough. Semin went down, but heroically recovered so that he could be… hit in the face by Braden Holtby’s stick like 30 seconds later. Classic.
• The Caps played a tight first period, but the Canes pulled away late while facing the Perreault line. After that it was all Carolina, who outshot the Caps by a healthy margin at the end of 60 minutes.
• Marcus Johansson had four very strong opportunities to score– all set up by Alex Ovechkin, He converted none, which I guess I have to chalk up to bad luck. Still, he has no business playing with Ovechkin, who really needs teammates who drive play rather than suppress it.
• Riley Nash tapped in a very sneaky shot by Jay Harrison to make it 2-0, and making Caps fans very cranky in the process. Crankiness worsened a few moments later, when a hasty toot of the ref’s whistle denied Mathieu Perreault a tally.
• Jeff Schultz lost the race to an iced puck. Patrick Dwyer won and served the puck to Riley Nash, who had a layup for his second goal of the night. Schultz has never been fast, but yeeeeeeeeeesh. He looked like a tranquilized giraffe back there.
• On the second thought, maybe filling the blueline with AHL players was a tactical misstep.
• Alex Ovechkin is still stuck on 699. He’s been pointless for a week now. Meh, I don’t like that word: pointless. Let’s say he was held without a point. Ovechkin didn’t have a shot on net all night, probably because he spent most of his opportunities in the offensive zone setting up whiffs for Marcus Johansson.
• Steve Oleksy dropped the mitts with Drayson Bowman, who should own a yacht with a name like that. Oleksy won by punching a lot. If only fists were pucks.
• Who is this Justin Peters person?

Guys, I have some thoughts I wanna share with you about the Caps’ chances of making the playoffs. I’m just not sure tha—–

Oh. Good point, Jim Mora. My bust.

Here is what Joe B looked like tonight. His tie wasn’t as ugly as this game, but it was close.

The Capitals now travel to Carolina, where they will lose to the Hurricanes on Thursday.

*mic drop*