What kind of game were you looking for to punctuate your holiday weekend? Oh, seriously? Gaudy? Well, here comes the Washington Capitals and their brawl with the Tampa Bay Lightning to auspicate your weekend. (yeah, we made that word up.)

The Caps’ score summary is kind of a chore, but prepare yourself anyway. First, John Carlson scores off of MJ90’s face-off. Second, then John Erskine sinks one that baffles Tampa Bay goalie Mike Smith. And from there, the Capitals unleash el furio. Here’s your goal recap: Alex Semin scores at will, and no one else is capable. Tom Poti capped it off with a spit in the eye, making this 6-and-0 victory. So all of y’all asking about the best team in the league? Keep asking: Caps beat Bolts 6-0.

• Alex Semin scored three goals in the second period just to piss off your fantasy team. Yes, a contract floats before him like an apparition. Alex secured the first NHL natural hat trick in all of 15 days (Jeff damn Carter precedes him.)
• Nicky Backstrom holds a preternaturally smart angst for the Bolts.
• Tom Poti‘s mousetrap maneuver might have set the the standard for the night by saying only these  few goals are acceptable.
  
• Consider every missed goal attempt by the Bolts an attempt at  charity by the home team.
• Hat-tricker Alex Semin was on ice for 9 of the Caps 15 scoring chances. That’s your X factor.
• Scratch-eligible Eric Fehr did his best to shut any argument that might earn him a scratch next go-round. Seeing zero shots against in nearly 2 minute of TBL PP time might hit the spot. In a game where the Caps saw more scoring chances on the PP (6) than at evens (5), Eric Fehr was on the ice for none of them despite getting 1:48 of PP time — not going to cut it.
• Congratulations to Marcus Johansson for playing the best NHL game of his career.

Joe B's suit-of-the-night

The most recent iteration of the Carlzner line (John + Karl) held Tampa Bay’s top line of Stamkos and St. Louis to a humbling zero goals. Boyd Gordon & Semyon Varlamov performed well above expectations to shut out the Tampa Bay Lightning.

The Capitals beat- handily no less- what may be the best team in the national hockey league. The Bolts fell to the Caps with little more than a whimper. So huzzah to the Capitals for triumphing over  the second-best team in the league on the night after Thanksgiving.

Have a great holiday, friends, and please forgive us forgive us for having a few tonight.

Additional Reporting by Neil Greenberg
Super props to Stevie K for sober edits