Last week, you volunteered to participate in our most recent Happiness Survey. Thank you. Our RMNB data scientists have Extracted, Transformed, and Loaded your responses into our proprietary large-language model generative artificial intelligence ecosystem, which is powered by boiling the Ogallala Aquifer. The AI – I just decided – is called drAIsAItl, and he’s on the blockchain, or something. This is the model’s interpretation of your data. I have removed several slurs.
This is the second Happiness Survey of the 2024-25 season. There were more than 1700 responses.
As a reminder, the survey is specious:
On a scale from 1 to 5, how HAPPY are you to have this player on the team?
1 means VERY UNHAPPY TO HAVE THEM ON THE TEAM
2 means UNHAPPY
3 means NEITHER HAPPY NOR UNHAPPY
4 means HAPPY
5 means VERY HAPPY TO HAVE THEM ON THE TEAM
Below are the average scores for each player, grouped into tiers by me – I mean by drAIsAItl.
Exosphere Tier
The outermost pioneers of the Washington Capitals
- Logan Thompson 4.86 ± 0.50
- Tom Wilson 4.83 ± 0.52
- Aliaksei Protas 4.83 ± 0.53
Kinda suspicious that you chose Logan Thompson and Tom Wilson as players who bring you warm and fuzzies since they are also the highest regarded Caps by the the cold and unfeeling: Evolving Hockey’s Goals Above Replacement model. Aliaksei Protas, meanwhile, came out of nowhere (but probably somewhere with a high ceiling) to become a genuine top-line forward.
Good choices across the board, everyone.
Thermosphere Tier
Universally adored Caps, soaring
- Jakob Chychrun 4.78 ± 0.56
- Alex Ovechkin 4.78 ± 0.60
- Dylan Strome 4.69 ± 0.61
- Pierre-Luc Dubois 4.68 ± 0.61
- Connor McMichael 4.59 ± 0.66
Alex Ovechkin is on the second tier, but he’s dropped only 0.03 from the last session. To me, that means that everyone’s general happiness is very high right now. (I should probably consider grading this on a curve in the future.) It is kinda curious how the average scores across the board are up, but the players in this tier all saw tiny declines – with the exception of Pierre-Luc Dubois. PLD has been helping subtly all season, but lately it’s more overt: he’s got four points in his last five games, including that monster two-goal performance against Vancouver.
Mesosphere Tier
Your core guys; you gotta have these guys
- Nic Dowd 4.41 ± 0.76
- John Carlson 4.32 ± 0.77
- Rasmus Sandin 4.24 ± 0.76
- Martin Fehervary 4.07 ± 0.77
Three criminally under-appreciated players and one intruder. I won’t tell who the intruder is, but it sorta slant-rhymes with February. Rasmus Sandin, in my mind, has dropped in his play of late but has risen in these rankings. Dowd, Fehervary, and Carlson have stayed pretty much exactly where they were in November – all within .05 points.
Stratosphere Tier
Like Benihana, you’ve got reservations
- Charlie Lindgren 3.88 ± 0.85
- Brandon Duhaime 3.86 ± 0.78
- Andrew Mangiapane 3.85 ± 0.79
- Matt Roy 3.83 ± 0.81
- Trevor van Riemsdyk 3.72 ± 0.81
- Taylor Raddysh 3.62 ± 0.81
I see how people have some doubts about the players in this list. Lindgren was just so-so before he got hurt, Duhaime leads the team in penalty minutes, Mangiapane and Raddysh have jumped around the line up too much, TVR is generally understated, and Roy is generally underwhelming.
I have this vague feeling that back-half improvements by any number of this tier would have a big positive impact on the Caps overall.
Third Line Tier
These players play on the third line of the Washington Capitals
- Jakub Vrana 3.40 ± 0.93
- Lars Eller 3.39 ± 0.87
I get it. Jakub Vrana and Lars Eller haven’t exactly triumphed together. It’s not totally apparent who is dragging down whom here, and when they succeeds it’s wonderful, but this is not an ideal third line.
N/A Tier
Divide by zero error
- Ivan Miroshnichenko 3.47 ± 0.88
- Dylan McIlrath 3.20 ± 0.88
- Alexander Alexeyev 2.95 ± 0.73
- Hendrix Lapierre 2.87 ± 0.87
- Sonny Milano 2.65 ± 0.93
None of these fellas should be consider full-time Capitals – though for very different reasons. It’s good that McIlrath and Alexeyev are elsewhere; if they were playing that would mean the blue line is banged up. Miroshnichenko and Lapierre weren’t able to stick with the big club either. And Sonny Milano – I think if he can come back healthy and in 2023-24 form he’ll be a game-changer for this club.
And that’s the Happiness Survey. What did we get wrong?
