I will start with an apology. When I wrote last fall that the Capitals should do something with social media personality Tony P, I thought it was harmless. It was supposed to be a fluffy, early-season post about an internet curiosity that I found interesting despite myself.
I was wrong, and I take accountability for that. I own that. I’m doing a growth. I want to offer an apology to anyone who may have been offended (i.e. exposed to Tony P) by these regrettable actions.
Since that post, Tony P has ascended to social media stardom and become a DC celebrity, though I don’t think that last part is hard if Callista Gingrich qualifies.
Cut now to October 2024, when Tony P did Arm Rolls with Washington’s sixth-best scorer, Alex Ovechkin.
What’s an Arm Roll, you ask, unaware of the psychic damage you are about to take from learning this. An Arm Roll is what Tony P does to show off his outfits. Like the Sharpshooter to Bret Hart or the Unlimited Lithgow Curtain Call to John Lithgow, the Arm Roll is Tony P’s signature move. I’m capitalizing it against every instinct in my body.
P – and I guess we’re calling him that, because does anything even matter anymore – taught Ovechkin (1 goal, 3 assists, 5 games played) the move, apparently, at a recent Commanders game. If it was at the Ravens game, that means P waited a full week to share this reel, which shows how big time he is. If it were me, I would have ceased respiration until this clip was live.
Since receiving the RMNB Bump last fall, Tony P’s star has been rising. He had dinner with Zach Leonsis. He expounded on his philosophy of vibrant masculinity. He did an activation with NATO!
Simply put: he is the most interesting person alive. I can’t wrap my head around it. He signals a generational shift in how people represent themselves online. It says something I cannot articulate about how authenticity gets subsumed by performance and how savvy media training has been replaced by the ambient social conditioning that comes from being on social networks since puberty. But that’s a topic for a rant I’ll probably do to Aileen while we make dinner. Sorry, Aileen.
For now, I’ll leave you with Tony cooking a swordfish while wearing a dress suit and tie.
Finally, shout out to my fellow Tony P commenters. Thanks for teaching me what “post hog” means.
