The Colorado Avalanche have yet to re-sign Mikko Rantanen who is currently a restricted free agent. Things are heating up on that front now that Finnish floorball team Nousiaisten Ryhti has offer-sheeted the right wing forward, offering some very compelling–and ridiculous–compensation in return.

The players Colorado would receive in compensation are Joel, who’s very skilled at collecting “balls/pucks from the rink/ice after practice,” although he is “without any brain activity,” and Tommi, their oldest player who has a “quite cute daddy-belly.”

Nousiaisten Ryhti play in Rantanen’s hometown of Nousiai. The team is also throwing in a bag of floorballs for general manager Joe Sakic. How can Sakic and the Avs refuse all of that?

Tämä oli tehtävä. Jos ei @Avalanche ymmärrä antaa Rantaselle sitä mitä kuuluu, niin me Nousiaisissa ymmärretään.

Beat that, Avs! #offersheet #NHL #nhlfi #mikkorantanen #coloradoavalanche #Avs #nousiaistenryhti pic.twitter.com/eazpE2YVmh

— Nousiaisten Ryhti Edustus (@edustus) August 16, 2019

According to the offer sheet tweeted by the Finnish floorball team, Rantanen’s salary would be “one (1) stick…a baseball cap, three (3) time coupons to massage (teammate Olli is doing that),” an undefined number of socks, and lunch at Burger King–“IF we have money left after all bills.”

Floorball is similar to floor hockey, played with teams of six including a goaltender, using plastic pucks. Finland’s floorball team has taken home the gold in the World Championships four times, and are the current reigning champions.

Rantanen and other Finnish players incorporate friendly floorball matches into their summer training. Past training partners include fellow unsigned RFA Patrick Laine.

Nousiaisten Ryhti followed up their initial tweeted offer with a photo of Tommi, the player who has a “quite nice daddy-belly,” which helps make up for the fact that he is also apparently “slow and bad at stickhandling.”

Tommi on jo valmis hyppäämään Denverin koneeseen.

Avs, this is Tommi. The guy with the daddy belly. He's ready. So are we. @Avalanche
#GoAvsGo #offersheet pic.twitter.com/fVZOAOJJTv

— Nousiaisten Ryhti Edustus (@edustus) August 16, 2019

Sakic has said that the Avs “want [Rantanen] here for training camp. No one needs the distraction, so hopefully we’re going to be in contact here shortly and get something done.”

Nousiaisten Ryhti have given Sakic until August 23 to make his final decision regarding their tempting offer.