Well, well, well. What do we have here? Your Washington Capitals are the Stanley Cup Champions. But once that banner goes up into the rafters of Capital One Arena tonight, we’ll have to start calling them the defending Stanley Cup Champions. After the puck drops, some time after 7:30 PM, the Cup goes back to neutral territory until June. Everything resets, starting now.
Except that’s a lie. Something changed when Ovi lifted the Cup, and we can never go back, thank goodness. So welcome to the new RMNB, everybody. We’re world champion bloggers. Let’s find out what whatever’s next looks like, together.
First up: the Boston Bruins, airing on NBC Sports, with a recap from me. Pregame coverage on NBCS Washington starts at 6 PM, and you can stream it online.
Stats from last season:
 |
||
|---|---|---|
| Record | 50-20-12 | we |
| Shot Attempt % | 54.2% (2nd) | are |
| PDO | 100.1 (15th) | the |
| Power Play | 23.5% (4th) | champions |
| Penalty Kill | 83.7% (4th) | my friend |
Projected Lines
With Michal Kempny injured and Tom Wilson suspended, Coach Reirden has the boys lined up like this:
Ovechkin – Kuznetsov – Connolly
Vrana – Backstrom – Oshie
Burakovsky – Eller – Stephenson
Walker – Dowd – DSP
Orlov – Niskane
Carlson – Djoos
Orpik – Bowey
Holtby
Season Previews!
If you need to catch up on what changed since the Caps won the Cup, I wrote an exhaustive recollection of all 31 teams, plus snide guesses at how each will fare in 2018-19 and why each is garbage and deserves your scorn.
Storylines
- The Washington Capitals hockey club won the Stanley Cup Championship last season.
- Pregame festivities begin a 4 PM with a red carpet, viewing party, banner-raising ceremony, and whatever else.
- The Caps claimed forward Dmitrij Jaskin off waivers. Jaskin used to play with St Louis.
- Seattle is coming. In 2020. Probably. (Almost certainly.)
- Peter (hey, that’s me!) previews the Caps lines, or at least what the Caps lines looked like before Tom Wilson ruined everything.
- D Jonas Siegenthaler was a last-minute assignee to Hershey. Travis Boyd is on injured reserve. Jayson Megna has been waived, but it’s unclear what will happen to him when he clears.
- The Caps should be playing Dan Winnik tonight, but the foolish Bruins let him go. Winnik will play in the Swiss league instead.
- Ex-Caps defenseman Karl Alzner will be a healthy scratch for the Canadiens. Ouch.
Eat Farts
Did you really think I would let this slide?
Don’t care what anyone says but Ovechkin is living the half send life. Yeah he might score like 800 goals by the time his careers over but he’s never gonna win a cup, he missed out on a gold medal cause Gary and his wife keeps poking some 20 year old from Arizona on Facebook
— Savage Matthews (@SavageAuston34) March 13, 2018
Alex Ovechkin will go down as greatest hockey player that never won a cup #NHL #600Goals
— Stephen 〽️ Beauchain (@sbeauchain65) March 13, 2018
https://twitter.com/jessica_ann87/status/973366006092574720
Congrats to Ovechkin….he may never win a Cup but he's always been entertaining!
— Brian Neall (@BrianNeall) March 13, 2018
If I owned a bar I’d have a White Russian called the “Ovechkin” and it would be served in a bowl because an Ovechkin will never have a cup…
— The Dantriloquist (@DanTheSportsFan) March 8, 2018
What eventually will be the excuse for Ovechkin never winning a Cup? Truly curious.
— Cameron Niceman (@mr_mcgregg) February 23, 2018
Ovechkin is never going to win a Stanley cup with Washington they can’t beat the Penguins when it comes in the clutch 🐧
— 🦹🏽♂️ (@Daddy_Sern9) February 3, 2018
https://twitter.com/MissSophieOwen/status/959588149658873856
https://twitter.com/gbpbob13/status/957437837057642497
https://twitter.com/gbpbob13/status/948723074588913665
https://twitter.com/gbpbob13/status/929147158024028160
https://twitter.com/E_Swymer/status/951687929662906368
Alex Ovechkin still will never win a Cup.
— Ace (@AceIn603) December 29, 2017
1. Ovechkin will never win the Stanley Cup. https://t.co/dECqmM37Ho
— Savi Sr. (@SavMoney1point0) October 16, 2017
I hope ovechkin never wins a cup
— Tanner 〽️adden (@Tmmadden13) October 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/gbpbob13/status/918275176952991744
Alexander Ovechkin will never win a Stanley cup lmao #WSHvsTBL #FuckTheCapitals
— go bolts (@GoBolts2004) March 18, 2017
https://twitter.com/alysoutram/status/828639085661134848
Jon Hamm throws shade at Capitals for never winning Stanley Cup, flubs Alex Ovechkin’s name (Video) https://t.co/WN0mlubi6G pic.twitter.com/xq6MPhG3Xl
— RMNB (@rmnb) January 28, 2017
https://twitter.com/shooooop2015/status/711696262916149248
By the way, I hate the Capitals. I detest Ovechkin. May he NEVER raise the Cup.
— Jasen with an E (@AlienCG) March 6, 2016
Love how Ovechkin celebrates every goal he scores like he just won the Stanley Cup like he'll never do in his career…
— Brandon Schmidt (@three_travelers) February 12, 2016
https://twitter.com/dylanconner88/status/686951403743522816
Ovechkin is going to be the best player to never win a Stanley Cup.
— 🦬 Michael 🦬 (@1c3p1ckL0b0t0my) December 31, 2015
I hope Ovechkin never wins a cup.
— amber. (@amberhouston_) December 17, 2015
@NHL @ovi8 Ovie sucks and he'll never lead his team to a Cup, he's all about himself and his regualr season awards OvECHKin = CHOKE
— George (@Cmv_13) September 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/zabrem/status/598875097261330432
Hey ovechkin, big move for a guy who's NEVER LIFTED THE CUP.
— Chris Schreyer (@schrey__guy) February 18, 2015
Unfortunate, but I predict Alexander Ovechkin to be one of the best players ever to never win a Stanley Cup.
— Dan Cohen (@dancercohen) February 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/Logan_K14/status/554082351979175937
Ovechkin loves the big stage. Too bad he'll never work hard enough to get to biggest stage, the Stanley Cup finals. That takes real work.
— Bill Scheibe (@bill_scheibe) January 1, 2015
Hey Ovechkin stop acting like you just won the Stanley Cup like I said it's something you would never see lol
— Bearded Pabst (@Pabst_Beer_8) January 1, 2015
I hope the Capitals never win the Stanley Cup because Ovechkin wouldn't pass it.
— Jeffnals (@jeffnals) December 10, 2014
That's why ovechkin will never win a cup
— Tyler Adams (@imgrizzlyadams) November 8, 2014
Ovechkin will never win a Cup
— TR (@Flowdangle) August 7, 2014
https://twitter.com/matt_winthrop/status/486926571018924032
https://twitter.com/anthonyvitulli/status/470666357324152832
Ovechkin will never win a cup 😂 #capssuck
— Tristan Dean (@tdean_17) April 10, 2014
Caps will never win a Stanley Cup with Ovechkin.
— Colin Moye (@JornadaDelColin) April 9, 2014
Why the caps will never win the Stanley cup:
Alex Ovechkin: 49 goals, 71 points
But he is -35. Are you shitting me?— Skeeved out (@kpwills) April 8, 2014
Ovechkin will never win a cup. He is a dog on the ice. Just wants the puck. Look at his goals and plus minus. #Hesajoke
— Stephen Souto (@thesoutopia) April 5, 2014
I know it's treason to ridicule Ovechkin but I'm pretty sure he'll never win a Stanley Cup. He needs too many pieces around him
— Elon Musk = Apartheid Clyde (@NATOKeepsUsSafe) April 2, 2014
News alert! The caps will never win thee Stanley cup with Ovechkin playing the top line
— Brooks ⚾️🏈🏒🇺🇸 (@Brooks8041) March 31, 2014
Ovechkin will never win a cup, hop teams his last season, still not win
— Zetty Flow (@ZettyFlow) March 27, 2014
https://twitter.com/Johnnymce/status/439862394177994752
If today doesn't illustrate to u why alexander ovechkin will never win the stanley cup then nothing will
— Rob Ross (@MrRobRoss) February 19, 2014
https://twitter.com/TonyyJoe/status/436158848928186369
Ovechkin will never win a Stanley Cup. He doesn't play with enough heart to lead a team. Most self centered player in the league
— Jack Hughes (@jackhughes316) March 10, 2013
ovechkin will never win a cup
— lol (@MLGpantera) February 8, 2013
Haha Washington your still never going to win a cup with ovechkin
— Wintson (@tacopell) February 3, 2013
No matter what, I can never see the Capitals hoisting the cup with Ovechkin
— Bobby Spitz (@Sobby_Bpitz) February 3, 2013
As long as Ovechkin has a "C" stitched on his jersey, the Capitals will never win a Cup
— Pens Fan Tweets 🌼 (@PensFanTweets) February 3, 2013
Never go to a bar and order an Ovechkin. It's just a White Russian without a cup.
— The Penguin Brain (@PenguinBrain) February 3, 2013
Ovechkin cant even play hockey anymore. Never seen a more lazy fuckin player in my life. He will never win a Stanley cup if this keeps up
— DanyFckingHeatley (@DannyFckingH) February 1, 2013
https://twitter.com/SouthCape/status/181539532976570368
Ovechkin should've left Washington when he had the chance. The Capitals are never gonna win the cup.
— Ethan R. Daley (@ethanrdaley) February 5, 2012
Guy walks into a bar and says "give me an Ovechkin"
Bartender says "never heard of it"
Guys says "it's easy, a white Russian on ice, no cup"— Jonathan Flood (@mygiantbluehead) January 25, 2012
Guy walks into a bar, says "give me an Ovechkin."
Bartender says "never heard of it"
Customer, "it's easy, a white Russian on ice, no cup.— Jesse J. Cardarelli (@jessej420) January 25, 2012
Ovechkin should not be allowed to speak EVER ; what has he won? yeah thats right he doesn't have a stanley cup & he never will.
— LETS GO SHARKS. ❤ (@_bleedteal) January 22, 2012
Honestly, if the Caps were smart, they'd realize Ovechkin will never lead them to a cup.
— Mike Peterson (@MPetersonNHLOTI) November 29, 2011
https://twitter.com/GameTimeArt/status/138073336587628545
https://twitter.com/madchad412/status/124914530882027520
Ovechkin will never win a Stanley Cup. Too bad for the Caps.
— Ralph Domingo (@ralphierce) May 5, 2011
I hope Ovechkin never wins a Stanley Cup
— Mike (@mike10003) May 5, 2011
Thinking #Ovechkin might never get his Stanley Cup ring. #Crosbysbetter
— Jeff Winger (@goatboy87) May 5, 2011
https://twitter.com/TrevKSteele/status/65970060690333696
Alex Ovechkin is never going to win a Cup if he's the #1 guy on the team. Maybe he should take his talents to the Steel City.
— Jeremy Lambert (@jeremylambert88) May 4, 2011
I never want to see Ovechkin with the Stanley Cup. He would drop it anyway.
— Tyler Scott (@_TyScott) April 23, 2011
https://twitter.com/chuckhowe78/status/59737238057123840
Screw you Ovechkin. Have fun never winning a Stanley Cup.
— Brett (@BLeez17) April 3, 2011
i hope ovechkin never ever wins a cup that's how much i really just can't stand him.
— sabrina 💖 (@sabrinasinbin) October 25, 2010
Three absolutes in life: death, taxes and Ovechkin never touching the Cup.. #NHLSeasonBegins #GoPens
— Baby Austin's Bible Bonkers™ (@al0137) October 8, 2010
A guy in a bar and asks the tender for an Ovechkin,
The tender says never heard of that, he replies white russian without the ice and a cup— Matt Dwyer (@DWYZ) May 4, 2010
https://twitter.com/erdna65/status/13504063007
Guy walks into a bar and asks for an Ovechkin. Bartender says he's never heard of it. Guy tells him it's a white Russian with no cup. #zing!
— David Wright (@JerseyCursed) April 30, 2010
The sooner the Caps realize they will never win the Cup with Ovechkin, the sooner they can improve the team. #NHL
— Erik Hume (@erikhume) April 29, 2010
Ovechkin is terrible and will never win a cup. All the bandwagon caps fans can shutup now. Goooooo Habs!!!!!!!
— The Marf (@TheeMarf) April 29, 2010
and for the record. ovechkin will never win a cup for washington #sportsnation_stories
— ESPNdev (@espndev) June 20, 2009
@WanyeGretz I wouldn't mind gloating to all the Ovechkin lovers out there that he will never lead his team to the cup #crosbyftw
— Kevin Swan (@kswan) May 28, 2009
Folks,
