This article is over 9 years old

This freaking team, you guys: Caps beat Penguins 3-2

Washington Capitals, just when I thought you couldn’t possibly break my heart any more, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

Pictured: Me rn

This is how the Caps beat the Penguins, then almost lost, then won off the stick of their worst player this postseason. This stupid, stupid team.

Nick Backstrom, with the patience of a majestic fox, scored a funky one on a first period power play. The second period went on for 78 hours but did not change the scoreboard. Evgeny Kuznetsov shook off his snakebite to score a patient goal of his own with ten minutes left in the third.

With two minutes left and an empty net, Evgeni Malkin positively destroyed the puck, scoring on the short side. With one minute left an the net still empty, Justin Schultz’s point shot got a good bounce to tie it. The Penguins forced overtime.

But in overtime, can you believe it, Kevin Shattenkirk won it on a power play. Hahaha. This team is so dumb, I hate that I love them.

Caps beat the Penguins 3-2 in overtime! The Pens lead the series 2-1.

  • In the first period, in just his third shift, Sidney Crosby was injured by a hit with Matt Niskanen. The hit is a prismatic mirror in which you see whatever you want and in the process you reveal the very contents of your immortal soul, but also it was a freak accident without malign intent. Crosby was emphatically reeling after contact with Alex Ovechkin, so he lost his balance and ran into Niskanen full-speed. Then, in that fraction of a second, Niskanen considered Barry Trotz’s order 66 from earlier that night: injure Crosby at all costs; that’s why he iced seven defensemen, after all, that evil genius. Niskanen considered the wicked plan then enacted it without remorse, making sure to twist Crosby’s lower body to maximize the injury. That’s definitely what happened.
  • A Penguins game without Sidney Crosby is poorer for it. I don’t know the nature of his injury — could be upper- or lower-body — but it’s rotten for him to miss the game and for fans to miss him in it. I hope he’s back for Game Four, even though it makes the Penguins all the more fearsome.
  • But the punishment was kangaroo court. Niskanen was ejected and the Caps had to kill a five-minute major, the direct and unavoidable result of the guy wearing 87 getting hurt, for whatever reason.
  • And that’s why, if the Chris Kunitz goal would have stood, we would’ve been a tad bit ornery. Kunitz crashed the net, making notable contact with Braden Holtby. The puck rebounded off Kunitz’s skate and into the net. The call on the ice was a goal, and then refs reviewed themselves and decided that they are indeed good refs. Then Barry Trotz challenged, and then the call was reversed. I swear, this series. I’m gonna get one of those Amazon dash buttons that ships me a bunch of pitchforks.
  • The Caps were solid on the kill, and it was good practice for the parade of penalties they’d perpetrate in the second period, most penned by Evgeny Kuznetsov. One wonders what Mike Sullivan said to the officials before that period began. The whistles certainly favored his team, though that’s no excuse for Kuznetsov’s sloppy play — those weren’t soft calls against 92.
  • And it’s not like the Pens were fortunate in their own right. Conor Sheary and Hornqvist collided, forcing the former from the game. That in addition to Crosby obviously having left the game. Plus, Rust took a bad fall, and another handful of players were banged up from the previous game. And I’d be a total butthead if I did not mention that Kevin Shattenkirk got away with a hook on Matt Cullen during the latter’s shorthanded chance, but no way Shat-dude was gonna let the old guy score another shorty on his watch.
  • With a rare 5-on-3 and even rarer conversion, Nick Backstrom‘s goal in the first period was marvelous. I don’t think there’s a better player in the league in that location during a power play.

  • Marc-Andre Fleury. This MAFer right here, he’s good. Holtby’s better, but he’s good.
  • Karl Alzner played a full schedule… and got burned on the Malkin goal. Glad he’s well enough to play, but. Well. I’ll just shut up.
  • The Caps got some good power plays in the third period, but Tom Wilson laid a late retaliatory charge to downsize what could have been a two-minute five-on-three power play into a standard power play. Tommy’s penalty differential magic is so gone.
  • Speaking of magic, whatever ward of protection Fleury casted on the number 92 finally wore off in the third period as Kuznetsov showed so much poise in finishing off a great sequence by his line. If that trio weren’t facing the toughest competition, they’d be doing stuff like that more — assuming the Penguins run out of Plains to tap for mana or whatever.

  • Does this happen to anyone else? The Caps had a two-goal cushion with two minutes to go, and it vanished. The Caps flatlined after the Kuznetsov goal, getting just one more shot (also Kuznetsov’s) before turtling for nine minutes, and having that turtle shell shattered. It’s like seeing every pernicious and stupid myth that has hung over the Caps for thirty years proven right in miniature. Those last two minutes are so deep in my head right now, it’s like the worms from Wrath of Khan.

Chief O’Brien photo of the night

I had a great conclusion. It was full of flowery language. It was about how Braden Holtby came back from getting pulled to playing a shutout — no wait, scratch that — one-goal game —  no wait, scratch that — cementing his legacy as one of the most clutch goalies ever to play beyond number 82.

I had a thing about how Game Four is the biggest game this franchise will play in a long time, which I suppose is still true.

That conclusion is gone now. Instead, for one night, let’s let Kevin Shattenkirk out of the Escape Goat pen. He’s an OTGWG hero, and that’s not bad for a Monday.

Full Coverage of Game Three

RMNB is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHLPA, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.

All original content on russianmachineneverbreaks.com is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International – unless otherwise stated or superseded by another license. You are free to share, copy, and remix this content so long as it is attributed, done for noncommercial purposes, and done so under a license similar to this one.

zamboni logo