At 7:55pm, the Pittsburgh Penguins began their Stanley Cup banner ceremony. It took 22 minutes to conclude.
“Only two teams have won more cups than the Penguins in the last 50 years,” the Penguins narrator said as I contemplated the meaning of life. “Four cups, 15 scoring championships. In the city of champions, this is the franchise of champions.
There were player and owner introductions. There was a speech. There was a tribute video. There were glow sticks. There were fog machines.
20 minutes later, after the narrator pointed out that all the banners were “bigger and better,” the Penguins raised their large piece of cloth out of a thing that appeared to be spewing out radioactive smoke onto the ice. It had a GoPro on it.