Remy and Bowser, step aside; I think we’ve got a new best Caps rap jam. From the immensely talented Rockville Slim, we’re happy to debut “Unleash the Fury.”

The scope of this thing is huge. There’s footage of major area ice rinks, some roller derby action, clips with The Horn Guy and Loud Goat, shots from inside the Hirshhorn National Portrait Gallery, plus jabs at the crummy cell phone reception at Verizon Center and our fair city’s football team.

Not to mention, this song is kind of a banger. Those horns are boss. Turn it up.

Slim’s flow is vaguely reminiscent of a young Warren G, and the live brass/horn section is funky as all get out. I heartily endorse this as your new preferred Caps jam.

Bravo, Slim.

Here are the full lyrics, which are genius:

Well I told you about Rockville,
And I told you how we chill.
See me and Liam Neeson
got a certain set of skills.
But when I hit the Red Line
gettin’ off at Gallery Place,
my eyes are laser focused cuz
I’m wearing my game face.

I see a Goat up in the stands
and a Horn Guy at my back.
We got a Russian general
commandin’ Ovi to attack.
So pick up what I’m putting down
cuz something being said.
The Capitals are my team
and I’m rocking on the Red! (He’s Rockin’!)

Still got time
before the puck drops.
Let me say hello
to head coach Barry Trotz.
He’s pairing lines
like he’s Frank Gehry.
Dump n’ chase hockey
ain’t for the weary.

Checking in on my man,
Smokin’ Al Koken.
Workin’ 40 years
his voice still ain’t broken.
But this ain’t about
no rhythm and rhymin’.
Club Scarlet helps the ladies
break their hockey hymen.

Unleash the Fury!
Your team better worry.
We’ll hit you in a hurry.
No trial by jury, baby. (X2)

I stand up to sing
the Star Spangled Banner.
Players don’t spit
and show some proper manners.
We say “O”
cuz it’s tradition.
But since the Nats,
it’s a bit of an anachronism.

When I say Brooksy,
you say Laich!
When I say MoJo,
you say Swedes on Bikes!
When I say Burracuda,
you say 65!
When I say “Let’s Go Caps!”
it makes me feel so alive!

Our owner is Ted
and he’s gotta Take.
A dollar from the team
he has yet to make,
but he’s got AOL money
and now Groupon.
So Ted “Pardon me,
do you have any Grey Poupon?”

My chocolate’s from Hershey,
but my Bears ain’t sweet.
Some are future Caps
who can rock a retro beat.
We got Maestro Bruce Anderson
playing on the keys,
making Jewish songs
cool with his organ expertise. (Hit me!)

[chorus]

Two Zambonis
slicking up our ice.
Our drivers are non-union
though they make it look precise.
If you’re a veggie or a vegan
and/or a gluten-free,
we got a healthy choice
to which your diet will agree.

Our arena’s called the Phone Booth,
but our signal is spotty.
That’s “ironic”
unlike the ties of… Joe Beninati.
We learn about science
from a Machine That Never Breaks.
The atmospheric entry
wasn’t all that opaque.

Our fans dance with stars on live TV.
One says “Spin the wheel.”
Wale keeps it real in the DMV.
(Ain’t talkin’ driver’s license!) (Oh. [Beat] Okay!)

I’ve seen Bondra’s flash
and Langway/Gartner ‘staches.
Godzilla in goal
and a hundred Hunter slashes.
Epic handlebars
and Game 7 matches.
We wear short shorts
and Winter Classic patches. (Get it!)

[chorus]

It’s a lawyer town
that’s sprinkled with lobbyists.
Expense account dinners
and armchair hockey hobbyists.
But even Olivia Pope
can have a PR dream.
Can someone please rename
the Washington Football Team?

We Want Wings!
and Stanley Cup rings.
A playoff run
to get the job done.
A banner in the rafters
to call our own.
41 years and waiting
for something homegrown.

[chorus]

Update: I had a quick chat with RS himself, whose first contribution to the geographically specific white people rap scene was “Rockville Rap” two years ago. “This was a weekend project going back months,” Slim told me. “We kicked into high gear following the All-Star break, when it became apparent that this season may indeed be different than another other.” RS thanked editor Connor Scalzi and videographer Jack Flint for their completely voluntary contribution to the project, which I think turned out awesome.