Pic by Ian Oland, who I am told wore pants today for the first time in a week.
I don’t wanna write about this junk.
Bad bounces and bad mistakes made the Caps’ road game against to Toronto Maple Leafs a torrid swamp of chumpswargle hockey. I made that word up.
It started innocently enough with a freak bounce of a goal by Morgan Rielly, but then Cody Franson got a sneaky shot from the outside during a Leafs power play to close out the first period.
Holtby took the net for the second and got punctured just 23 seconds in after a turnover by the Carlson-Orpik pairing. Troy Brouwer gave us a glimmer of hope with a hardworking PPG from the slot, but the Leafs answered back like .005 seconds later when freaking David freaking Carlson freaking scored. Tyler Bozak scored his second of the night on a power-play late in the second.
Justin Peters returned to the net in the third, because, why not? Tom Wilson put the biscuit in the basket, making this something less of an abject failure and more of a stupefying bummer. And then Lupul made it an abject failure again. What the heck even is this team?
Oh god it burns. Leafs beat Caps 6-2.
- I got very little here. Help me out with some charming comments about topics other than “goalies suck.”
- Alex Ovechkin had 4 shots on goal in the first 4 minutes. They were the only line that was really working in that first period, but man they were working well. It did not last.
- Rotating goalies by period. That’s a bold strategy, Cotton. Both goalies stunk tonight, but — AGAIN– adjudicating which goals “he’s gonna want back” and “he should have had” is a waste of time. But yeah, they both stunk.
- Brooks Orpik and John Carlson continue to do the things that Brooks Orpik and John Carlson do without any threat of punishment or adjustment from the coaching staff because no one wants to admit that the Orpik contract is an atrocity on the scale of the Limp Bizkit/Staind acoustic duet. The D pair was on the ice for both Bozak goals, and they weren’t without blame in either.
- This was supposed to be a dry night for me. Look what you made me do, Caps. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO.
@Russianmachine pic.twitter.com/twIRwGAXzR
— Peter Hassett (@peterhassett) November 30, 2014
- Someone provide a sketch of the Toronto net for Jason Chimera. His ass was bolted to the defensive zone so much he probably has no idea what it looked like. Meanwhile, Latta was a healthy scratch.
- Speaking of asinine coaching, Adam Oates said some shit. I’d probably say some shit too if it had an outside chance of ditching my reputation as the worst NHL coach since Pierre McGuire.
- I really did like the top line’s effort tonight. A few mistakes for sure, but they’re not at fault for getting put out for a defensive-zone faceoff with Orpik and Carlson. Tom Wilson isn’t my top choice for the Ovi line, but he’s not bad. I’m glad, after the treatment he got from the shitheel in the bullet above last season, that Wilson is getting a chance to show the league what he’s got.
- For all the stout defense that Brian MacLellan paid out the nose for in July, the Capitals certainly made the paint in front of goalie Jusden Holters hospitable for the Leafs.
Joe B suit of the dear god Locker what is that tie that thing is staring into my soul and it burns
In lieu of a real conclusion, here’s this tweet, which I can’t really top.
This game is a pic.twitter.com/kbqRQ4eeQL
— RMNB (@rmnb) November 30, 2014
See you around, friends.
