Photo: Matt Slocum

This is the “game” recap. I’m putting game in scare quotes, because I don’t know what the cram happened during this Philadelphia Flyers-Washington Capitals …event. The Caps looked like a clown trying to fight off a direwolf with a whiffle bat for the first 45 minutes. And then– and I have no idea how they did it– they started stabbing their way back. 

Here’s the part where I summarize the scoring. I don’t wanna do it. It’s like that episode where Josh Lyman is talking to Adam Arkin and he can’t differentiate music from gunshots. Okay, here goes (deep breath.)

Claude Giroux feasted on a puck stolen from Hillen for number one. Jakub Voracek snuck one through traffic. Claude got another, and then Adam Hall. Forgive me for not remembering how: rage blackouts. Joel Ward got the Caps on the board, followed by an Ovi goal from the Ovi spot and a dart from Troy Brouwer. All of a sudden, the blowout was a one-goal game.

But then Voracek got away from the Caps defense — namely Mike Green Eric Fehr– by using the rarely seen technique of skating. 5-3. Brooks Laich tapped a Mike Green shot to make it 5-4, but then Steve Downie got the empty-netter.

Flyers beat Caps 6-4.

• The Caps got outshot 20 to 10 (attempts) in the first period and only three of the Caps’ shots were on target. Don’t worry. That’s all according to George McPhee’s plan. Yeah. Moreon that later.
• Connor Carrick looks imperiled every time he’s on the ice. The image of him struggling to corral a loose puck behind the Caps net probably looks a lot like the ultrasound of the stomach ulcer I got from the 2013-14 Caps.
• Jack Hillen didn’t exactly shine in his first game back since his tibia went went crunch in the season’s first week. “Hilly” (as I’m sure he’s called) decisively lost a board battle leading to Philly’s first goal. It wasn’t even close.
• That big-ass line brawl cost the Caps the services of John Erskine, which is supposed to be punishment but I dunno.
• However bad you think Wayne Simmonds is for jumping Erskine during that fight, the people leaving vile comments on our Facebook page are worse. You disappoint me more than anything our preferred hockey team does. [I had this whole thing where I dox one of those creeps, but I changed my mind. Just don’t be awful please.]
• Brooks Laich‘s health worries the hell out of me. He had a maintenance day yesterday, but he felt good enough to play tonight. He led the team in shots and tipped in Greeny’s shot in the third period. Nice! Moar!
• I’d write more bullets, but I don’t want the Caps’ shot total to feel intimidated.

Georgia sleeping on a pile of laundry of the night

My favorite t-shirt is from the TV show Friday Night Lights. It’s really soft and it says East Dillon Lions: Never Out of the Fight. As a motto, I like that a lot more than Sink to the Level of Your Enemy.

The Caps shouldn’t do that. They’re not even good at it. You don’t out-Bruins the Bruins and you don’t out-Flyers the Flyers. The best way to defeat a shit-heel is not to become a shit-heel yourself. The frankly ludicrous assertion that fighting “protects” players boggles my mind, and getting in scrums with punks after every whistle should be part of your gameplan only if it’s not explicitly part of your opponent’s gameplan.

The Bs and the Flyers get power plays or neutralize their own penalties by suckering the Caps into retaliatory nonsense. And it always works. It’s the “neener neener” of hockey, and I hoped grown-ups would know better.

Whatever. I’m a crank tonight. The Caps played bad and then people started dropping hatey words on our bloggy space, and my dog smells awful.

Shake it off. Try again tomorrow.

BTW that goal was @tbrouwer20‘s 200th career NHL point. So, congrats on that. #brouwerpouwer

— Brouwer Rangers (@brouwerrangers) March 6, 2014

Silver lining from the B-Rangers. Thanks, guys.