Ian braved rush-hour traffic last Tuesday to make an appearance at Kettler Capitals Iceplex. After nearly eight hours in the car, he now understands why we hate this city’s traffic so much. But Ian had good reason to make the trip: he played NHL 14 with Tom Wilson.

Back at the NHLPA Rookie Showcase back in August, T-Wilz took on the league’s top rookies in an NHL 14 tournament and pwned the noobs. In RMNB’s first segment for Caps Red Line, Ian decided to show Tom how real non-athletes get down. Ian’s been playing hockey– ya know, fake hockey– since Blades of Steel in 1988, six years before Wilson was born. Ian’s been playing the EA NHL franchise since 1993, which also was before Wilson was born. A lot of things happened before he was born.

An accomplished and experienced virtual athlete, Ian thought he would dominate the sassy 19-year-old. Let’s see what actually happened.

Video Of The Entire Episode

Some highlights:

• Ian lost. Wilson is amazing. We have to change our Twitter avatar to a picture of Wilson’s choosing. This is what he asked for. Grrrrrrrrreat.
• Alex Ovechkin calls Wilson “Willy Baby,” which is now my new favorite Capitals nickname. (No offense, Binky.)
• Wilson’s NHL 14 photo makes him look 16. That’s because it was taken when he was 16. Can a photo from high school not look stupid? No. The answer is no. It will always look stupid.
• When Ian started losing, I assumed he was throwing the game. I was about to bust out the boo-birds and throw a complimentary water bottle at him. Ian insists that he really was trying and that his chosen team, the Philadelphia Flyers, were just awful. Willy Baby and I don’t believe that garbage and neither should you.
• Wilson kept refusing to fight Ian so he didn’t lose any of his players. Doesn’t he know video games and strategy don’t mix?
• Wilson calls assists “apples.” Canadians, man.
• Digi-Aaron Volpatti had special powers under Wilson’s control. He won fights and scored goals. Real-life Volpatti for first-line left wing, anyone? Okay, fine.
• Wilson has excellent fashion sense. I was gonna ask him where he got his jacket before I realized it’s probably worth more than my life. Sigh.
• Ian, meanwhile… well, at least he wore pants. That’s actually a big step forward for him.
• Speaking of which, say hello to the brand new 8-bit Hot Stick shirt. You can order yours tomorrow. Do you dig?

GIFs

GIFs by welshhockeyfan

Want That RMNB Shirt Signed By Tom Wilson?

Like our fan page and share this link publicly on Facebook and you’ll be entered to win that RMNB t-shirt signed by Wilson at the end of the video. On Monday, we’ll randomly select someone from the list of people who shared this (again, publicly, not just friends-only!) and send ’em the duds. And remember, don’t forget to watch RMNB on CRL!