Habs beat Caps 3-2, But What About the Vamwolfbies?

November 22, 2013 10:53 pm

Photo: Patrick McDermott

The Washington Capitals had a simple challenge when they faced the Montreal Canadiens on Friday. Back on Wednesday, the Capitals had managed exactly zero shot attempts on the Penguins before the game was out of reach. And while the possession game was a disaster, the team chose to blame it on “execution.”

After that bad start on Wednesday, the team had a simple task: do better in the first period this time.

Could they pull it off?

No.

No, they could not.

A bad breakout pass from Alex Urbom to Mikhail Grabovski led to a turnover for the Habs, whose Travis Moen didn’t have much of a challenge from Mike Green: 1-0 Habs. David Desharnais tipped in a high puck to make it 2-0 in the first period. And then Danny Briere made it a three-spot converting a power play while Marty Erat was in the Sasha box.

Alex Ovechkin saved a bit of face with a very, very wide-angle shot to score on a late-period power play.

The second period was quiet, which is a bad thing if you were hoping for a Caps comeback and a good thing if you thought it could get even worse.

Alex Ovechkin got his 19th of the season tipping in a long bomb from John Carlson, but 6-on-5 didn’t earn the Caps a tying goal.

Habs beat Caps 3-2. Boo.

Friday’s game: better or worse than Friday the song? YOU BE THE JUDGE.

Mikhail Grabovski got credited with the turnover and the internet seemed to blame Mike Green for weak defense, but I think Alex Urbom‘s off-target breakout pass was at fault for the Moen goal.
Troy Brouwer hasn’t been very good this year, so while I’m usually anti-fighting I was totally okay with his bout against PK Subban. It took him off the ice and a Norris Trophy-winner. Win-win.
Subban, bee tee dubs, totally had it out for Ovechkin all night. Grumpy shoves and headlocks galore. Ovi didn’t seem to mind much at the time, but he rag-dolled Brian Gionta in the third, so I guess it got to him after all.
I’m sure the Caps had a discussion about how to start games better, but man did that ever not happen. The Caps went two goals down before I was able to do my push-ups in the first period. When I did that wordy, pretentious rant about the Caps and execution yesterday, I suspected the team might not solve its underlying problems but they’d at least be a bit more motivated out of the gate tonight. Nope. By the time they were down two goals, the Caps had managed only 11 shot attempts. At least that was 11 more than they had against the Pens.
Down 3-0, the Caps were– as the Pensblog says– stunned.

Ovechkin stunned pic.twitter.com/9MItjgTlDx

— Ian Oland (@ianoland) November 23, 2013

The Caps surrendered — what, like 7 unanswered goals on home ice before Alex Ovechkin opened it up with a twice-deflected power play snipe? Amazing shot with a happy bounce. Thanks, Ovi. Welcome back atop the league leaders ladder.
The Caps were in a blowout situation, but they did manage to turn the possession game around in the back half. That matters. Not, you know, a lot. But it matters.
Rough night for Michal Neuvirth, though he wasn’t really that bad. If you let your goalie face 30+ shots (as the Caps have done in three straight games), you should probably expect at least two goals against, and it’s not like that freaky tap-in by Desharnais could be stopped by anyone who doesn’t have telekenesis.
Switching Martin Erat to center immediately transformed the line with Brooks Laich and Troy Brouwer into a truly elite —- jk they are still a garbage fire. Under 40% possession (0 when the game was close) [UPDATE: The Caps’ comeback attempt actually brought them above 50%!], No signs that Adam Oates will break them up. Ever. The Black Hole Line will outlive us all. When the sun burns out and the entropy actualizes, there will still be Laich and Brouwer and someone else getting stuck in the defensive zone, losing board battles against humanoid cockroaches and Romero zombies and blaming Ragnarok on poor execution and some bad bounces.

Budaj? More like boo— ya know what — I can’t even make a pun right now, that’s how upset I am.
Deflecting John Carlson’s long shot, Alex Ovechkin secured his 19th goal of the season. All up in his face was Parsifal Khan Subban, making that sweet goal just a bit sweeter. Ovi is a different kind of human than the rest of us. When he fell off a few years ago, I said he wouldn’t have a comeback like Pavel Bure did in his late 20s. I was wrong. This is much bigger. As bad as the team gets, Ovi is amazing.

Joe B suit of the night: haute couture! (that’s French, right?)

Ovi rules, but this game was no good.

Here’s a series of questions that are on my mind:

Can a zombie become a vampire?
Can a vampire become a zombie?
Werewolves?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?

The answer to #1 is a simple NO. A zombie’s body has irreversibly stopped all vital functions. Many times they have no blood whatsoever. They lack the vitality to get infected with porphyric hemophilia.

The answer to #2 is an obvious YES. A vampire is, by strict definitions, dead– but it is far more vivacious than a zombie. They’re still susceptible to illnesses– just far fewer of them than humans. While the zombie virus– let’s call it Solanum— kills a living host, it also converts a dead host into a zombie. Vampires occupy the sweet spot between the two.

#3, the werewolf, the X-factor. Werewolves probably won’t bite or eat a zombie if it is decomposing, but in the rare situation where a fresh zombie gets bitten by a werewolf, I assert that it’s still incapable of manifesting as a lycanthrope. It simply has no metabolism. A vampire, OBVIOUSLY, can become a werewolf– either by feeding on a werewolf (its last remaining metabolic process) or by getting bit by one. Similarly, werewolves can become vampires. That dangerous mutual risk to one another is why the vampire and werewolf communities have maintained detente for all these years.

And if a vampire-werewolf gets bit by a zombie, look the frak out. We’ve got a vamwolfbie on our hands. Or maybe a zomwerepire. Or god help us if it’s a werevambzom.

Feel free to disagree, but you’re wrong and YOU SHOULD DIE IN A FIRE.

Listen, I’m sorry I yelled. It’s possible that this game and this team have got to me.

Friends?