As Tuesday’s game against the Carolina Hurricanes got started, I opened up the SportsYapper app on my iPhone. That was my first mistake.
Bombarded by all the commercials and promotions on Comcast SportsNet, I had already downloaded the app but had never been inclined to use it. It seemed like Twitter, just stupider. Maligned by the media and by us, SportsYapper is like the Columbus Blue Jackets of social media. And after a few hours on the service, I can report that I learned nothing. It is exactly what we thought: Twitter, just stupider.
“[W]e wished there was a place similar to Twitter or Facebook, but that was just for sports fans while they’re watching the game,” the founders write on their website.
An excellent idea, but we already have an outlet like that. It’s called Twitter or Facebook.
It’s a completely redundant service. Its purpose is already served by more established applications — ones you can access over the web, unlike SportsYapper, which is partially bankrolled by Yankees first basemen Mark Teixeira.
You wonder what kind of person would use SportsYapper. After one night in the Capitals Yapp Zone, I have an idea. He is angry, he is without spellcheck, and he is filled with fervent antagonism towards Mike Green. I counted more than 30 frothing attacks on the former Norris Trophy finalist in the first period alone.
“I’d take Shutz over green any day!” @tmanlee wrote.
“Mike green sounds horrible to my ears. ew” added @mattellison_.
Some, though, defended the 27-year-old — I think.
“Really greens fault wow u ppl r hard on him,” said @charliemadore.
Green, however, would prove the Yappers wrong just minutes later. Early in the second period, Green tallied a goal in his third straight game with a blistering bomb from the point. SportsYappers were quick to admit their error.
“NOW, we can get Green out of hete,” @mikecarrico editorialized.
Mike Green scored again. His sins were not absolved.
“Still green u need traded or moved to offense,” suggested @joeglock730.
“He would be a great 3rd line winger , no D-man for sure !!” estimated @toxicxmo.
“I still hate green,” said @everagejakeff.
The game continued, and there were more vile outbursts, grammatical errors, and exclamation marks. I started to gloss over them after awhile. I switched back over to Twitter, swearing never to return. The Capitals went on to win 5-3. It was nice.
I could go on about SportsYapper, but I shouldn’t. Instead I’ll let one SportsYapper do it for me, as he sums up my feelings superbly.
SportsYapper is “absoutley pathetic.”
Russian Machine Never Breaks is not associated with the Washington Capitals; Monumental Sports, the NHL, or its properties. Not even a little bit.
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