Hey, congrats to 22-year-old Zach Sanford for scoring his first NHL goal and getting the Caps a big win in their final game before a week off. It’s a big accomplishment, and he should be proud, and isn’t it great.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way: he’s totally got pierced nipples, right?

Photo: @Capitals

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Yes. With a 95 percent certainty, this matches all known computer files under the folder pierced nips. I have also verified this with a person who has a doctorate in microbiology. Upon consulting the photo, for a second, on my phone, this person said, “looks like it.”

Further, it does not look like un-pierced nipples as seen in other commemorative puck photographs.

When Sanford scored his first career point in October, he posed with his commemorative puck with slack in his shirt.

Nothing to be learned there.

Of course, as we all know, one’s first NHL goal is an exciting event. Perhaps, instead of pierced, Sanford’s nipples were merely excited with gooseflesh. We’ve all been there, am I right?

Finally, a person’s decisions with regards to nipple decoration are one’s own, and it is not our place to place judgment. It is merely our place to ask the questions and giggle like idiots.

Welp, you read this whole article. Congrats.