Tuesday morning at 7:25, former Capital Alex Semin got his wake-up call courtesy of Elliot in the Morning. EITM’s resident mama Diane quarterbacked the call, gently chiding Semin for sleeping through morning practice. After a few monosyllabic grunts, Semin hung up. Twelve hours later, he set up Joe Corvo for the game-winning goal. #BlameEITM.

Artist rendition of Semin answering the phone.

Elliot’s escalating apologies for Semin’s name are maybe the best part. Diane and Semin finally speak at the 4:45 mark.

Semin: Allo’

Diane: Sasha!

Semin: Whaddup.

Diane: Sasha?

Semin: Whaddup.

Diane: Hey, man. You’re late for morning practice! Are you going to get up?

Semin: Who’s that?

Diane: Serena.

Semin: Who??

Diane: Serena. From the front office. Come on. We need to get ready for the morning skate. Did you forget to set your alarm ahead because of the time change?

[Breathing, audible confusion]

Diane: Are you there?

[Semin hangs up]

After conferring with expert Russian person Igor Kleyner, we have concluded that Semin spoke no Russian. That was all English or possibly some kind of glottal-snap-and-grunt-based language that Sasha speaks only among his confidantes.

It probably didn’t achieve the intended outcome, but valiant effort. Way to go, class.