Photo credit: Patrick McDermott

I wrote on our mission statement that hockey should be as fun to read about as it is to watch. So what happens when hockey– Caps hockey at least– becomes a chore? Tuesday’s game between the Toronto Maple Leafs and Washington Capitals was another messy loss, and gnome amount of puns will cheer us up right now.

The Leafs scored first, JVR seizing upon a communication breakdown between Neuvirth and Poti behind the Caps net. JVR struck again after Washington’s defense temporarily lost motor function. Marcus Johansson got his first of the year late in the first after Tomas Kundratek gave him a nice feed at the back door. Korbinan Holzer got his first NHL goal with a tricky long bomb. Mike Ribeiro executed a nice zone entry and passing sequence by sinking a powerplay goal, but the Leafs emerged victorious.

Leafs beat Caps 3-2.

• Of course Marcus Johansson scores 24 hours after we publish a treatise on how bad he’s been. Glad to see it Marcus get on the board… [evil mustache-twirl] …as it increases his trade value! Tomas Kundratek‘s pass to Mojo was a work of art as well, a well earned first NHL point for the young D-man.
• I’m ecstatic that Mojo scored, but he still has the worst underlying numbers on the team. He should be kept away from Alex Ovechkin at all costs, not paired with him to start the third period.
• Tom Poti had an eventful first period. First, he took a dangerous hit into the boards from Leo Komarov and stood up for himself. Ten he was the trailing D on a nice two-man rush with a decent chance at scoring, but later on that shift it all fell apart. Neuvirth retrieved the puck behind the net, flinched as if he was gonna clear, and then took his time returning the net. Poti seemed unsure if he was supposed to take the puck over, which gave Toronto’s JVR the opportunity to steal the puck and wrap it around.
• Korbinian Holzer is not a hockey player name. Korbinian Holzer is the name of a war criminal from Belarus. Korbinian Holzer is a minor character in a Vonnegut novel. Korbinian Holzer is the spice smuggler who sabotaged your primary buffer panel when you were trying to make the Kessell run in 11.8 parsecs.
• Did Joe B say that Beagle is a bloodhound along the boards? If so, niiiiiiice.
• Close calls: the more desperate your team is, the more they sting. When the Verizon Center spotlight comes on or Ovi puts his arms up in a “eff you I’m an anteater” pose it is even worse.
• Mike Ribeiro is the Caps best player right now, perhaps because he’s the least Capitals-y player (which is to say he’s new). That makes 3 goals for Ribs– all on the power play, and he leads the team in points. Ian says he deserves a 10-year, $200-million contract, and I think he’s exaggerating only a little.
• Agent Steckel: You are discovered. Your cover is blown. Get out now. p.s. thanks for blowing that empty-netter. <3 RMNB
• Michal Neuvirth, yikes. You’d think by now one of the Caps goalies would accidentally get a SV% above .900, right?
• Who is this JVR person?

Joe B suit of the night

Three years ago the Caps were the best team in the league. Right now they’re the worst. 30th out of 30 in points per game. Has any team fallen from grace this fast?

I worry something is being overlooked. A season like this is toxic to enthusiasm. That sucking sound you hear is what a contracting fan base sounds like. You as a fan deserve so much more than what you’re getting out of these Capitals right now.

I don’t have anything funny to say right now.

Caps at Pens on Thursday. That’ll be fun. Like going to a dinner party at your ex-girlfriend’s new mansion and her boyfriend is a state senator and you’re wearing zubaz and crocs.