Photo credit: ESRB

We have a soft spot for Jeff Halpern, a local boy who returned home this season after spending the last few years as an NHL journeyman. Even if he leaves the team this summer, we’ll always have the memories, and the nostalgic pictures of him in those terrible black uniforms.

Cap Hit: $825,000. Halpern will be UFA on July 1st.

Best Moment: The 5-1 loss against the Flyers in which he was the only Cap that scored, also the only Cap awake on the ice.

Things We Said About Jeff Halpern: “Whoa, hold on. I think we need a box check.”

Alignment: Lawful Good

First Irrelevant Google Images Result:

Media Consensus: “Hometown Maryland boy! Former captain! Faceoffs!”

Spirit Animal: A DC parking meter.

Alternate Universe Superhero Identity: The Faceoffinator. (Nemesis: Nik Antropov)

Team Role: Jeff Halpern is your prototypical fourth-line center, meant to grind and eat up a few minutes a night, but he was also acquired for his skill on the dot in the absence of Boyd Gordon this year.

Execution of that Role: Halpern ended the regular season with a 58.3% faceoff win percentage, 5th best in the league. He wasn’t able to provide much in the way of offense, but since he played with a constantly shifting fourth line in a tumultuous season, we’ll cut him some slack.

Postseason Performance: Halpern only got into the lineup in the last two games of the second round, when Jay Beagle went down with a broken foot. He acquitted himself reasonably well in those games, despite the rust, though a painfully close postseason Game Six probably isn’t the best time to take a double minor, Jeff Halpern.

Likeliness to Return: Two out of ten. Jeff Halpern says he plans on playing next year, but he was a rental for Washington. We wish him luck wherever he goes!

Usefulness in a Post-Apocalyptic Setting: Halpern has lived all over the place throughout his career, he’d know the country and would easily adapt to many situations. Plus, if any zombies or mutant bandits tried to make you take a faceoff, look out. 

Other: Jeff Halpern was a pretty cute kid, we have photographic proof.

Credit: hockeyplayersaskids.tumblr.com

Overall Year-End Rating: Six Bad Sashas.

For statistical analysis of Halpern’s season, see Japers’ Rink or Peerless Prognosticator.