Oh dear. It’s the final Machinist of the year. And what a year it has been: Caps won a lot, got first-rounded by the Canadiens, Ovi danced in a nightclub, Belanger got dropped and so did Corvo and the Morrisonnii, Caps lost a lot, Lil Ovi and Lil Backy, and DJ Pauly D. Whew.

Traffic is down 8 percent this week. Some might say it’s because the holiday, but I think you readers aren’t pulling your weight. Ray Shero and Dan Bylsma put you at a 3 for the week.

Must-see post of the week? Definitely Rachel’s Ovi-Santa.

Let’s dance.

Most Read Stories of the Week

1. Alex Semin: I Am Not Making Plans for the Future
   Igor dialed up some translatory wackiness. Sasha Minor was so distant and non-committal about the future, I thought they were interviewing my long-distance girlfriend from freshman year of college.
2. Caps beat Canes 3-2, Perreault’s Proboscis Pummeled
   Here’s how bad the week was in traffic: you actually read my recap. Standards, people.
3. Peter’s Review of HBO 24/7 Capitals/Penguins, Week Two
   I’m glad people saw this one, ’cause my stupid cracked rib prevented from making another for episode three.

Stories That Have Escaped Your Butter-fingered Grasp

1. Evgeny Kuznetsov: On The Ice With A Parachute
   Kuz can do 200 sit-ups. How many can you do?
2. When the Chips are Down, Who Do you Want in Net?
   #TeamVarly and #TeamNeuvy enter Thunderdome. In this metaphor, Neil is Tina Turner.
3. Is Defense The Key To Mathieu Perreault’s Consistency?
   MP85, perhaps your 2C, is truly frugal in allowing scoring chances against the Caps.
4. The Russian Machine Guide to Pittsburgh
   Through our extensive research we’ve learned that the only good things about Pennsylvania are Keystone and the Bears.
5. Capitals Skate Outdoors Before Winter Classic
   Chris Gordon pitches in with a report from Chevy Chase, where the Caps had their outdoor practice and Ovi used greasepaint to dance around his Gillette contract.

Game Recaps

• Capitals 3, Hurricanes 2 — Jay Beagle got on the big board first with a stunning no-look, behind-the-back, knick-knack, paddywack shot over Carey Price’s shoulder.
• Capitals 3, Canadiens 0 — Carolina’s “Let’s! Go! Canes!” horn sounds like a molested goose. We’ll take Sam Wolk any day.

Alright, Caps Nation. I’m off to Pittsburgh to pursue my dream of living in 66’s basement. Pancake breakfast on Sunday!