Stars Beat Caps 4-3 in SO. Hockey is Stupid.

March 8, 2010 11:52 pm

[Ed. note- Our apologies. Peter takes losses hard and then gets grumpy.]

Inconsolable.

Bah grumble grumble gah shucks snizzelfritz. Humbug dang meh ugg noooooo crap.

After the Caps’ shootout loss to the Dallas Stars, we’re just not interested in writing a recap tonight, so instead you’re going to get a list of stupid things.

Grumpy writer, grumpy bulldog, not-lucky t-shirt.
Semyon Varlamov. A year ago he was the talk of the league, but it’s not a stretch to say he’s a shadow of his former self.
People criticizing Varlamov. How bout some loyalty, folks?
Hypocrites.
Brad Richards. What a butt– going horizontal on Varly and then backhanding the puck high on the glove side? Where’d he learn that? Reading hockey blogs??? LOSER.
Third period. That’s when the Caps are supposed to be awesome. The SECOND period is when two bad penalties and worser penalty kills are supposed to happen.
Alex Ovechkin. Score two goals in a loss? What’s the point? And why does he play the shootout like his 2-car garage is on fire? It’s just him, the goalie, and 40-some feet of ice. Patience, young padawan.
Marty Turco. If 50-plus pucks get thrown at you, you’re supposed to let at least 5 past. Read the rulebook, old man.
Semin's recent play epitomized in photo. (Photo: Susan Walsh. Above: Jim McIsaac)
We call Alex Semin‘s new shootout strategy “the divine wind.” Being better than everyone else doesn’t mean anything if you can’t score when scoring is needed.
The Capstronaut. You’re fun when the Caps are winning, but the toy lights in your helmet might spur me to epileptic rage black-outs when they lose.
Streaks. They’re not streaks if they aren’t achieved. Now, it’s just a bunch of home wins in a row– but nothing that your boy Danny Steinberg is gonna write about.
Lucky t-shirts. Yeah, I’m wearing my lucky “Ovie gives the stink eye to a plate of nachos” shirt. Well it’s just a normal t-shirt now. It’s pretty and it keeps my manly chest covered up, but it no longer guarantees winning hockey games. Buy yours today, ladies and gentlemen.