Mike Green | RMNB

Capitals Fall Hard to Kings 2-1, Lose Third Straight

Mike Green Falls Hard to the ice as Caps lose to Kings 2-1

The Russian Machine doesn’t have much to say about the Capitals 2-1 loss the Los Angeles Kings today. It was crap. In fact, we felt this photo of Mike Green pretty much summed it up.

The Caps once again, came out in the first period with absolutely no push. To that effect, they’ve been out scored 6-0 in their past three first periods and out-shot 35-11. (Thanks Capitals Insider)

We want to take the easy road and say “Man, with Chris Clark and Milan Jurcina gone, this team is in absolute disarray. They’ve lost three straight games.” But you’ve got to look deeper than that. If you go by that logic, then the Hershey Bears are 10-1 in their last 11 because they brought Chris Bourque back . The problem is the secondary scoring for this team has been absolutely nonexistent lately and the team has not been playing a full 60 minutes at their level. The lack of intensity from anyone other than the Young Guns is troubling. And honestly, Jason Chimera seems to still be trying to find himself in Bruce Boudreau’s system.

The Capitals look like they’re a step slow. They’re losing battles. And with this being one of the NHL’s most skilled teams, we figure this is a tall-tale sign of either a team losing its focus or is in general tired. Someone needs to start banging into some bodies and create some space for others.

We hope with two home games on the slate this week, the Caps will bear down and play better in front of their own fans. And The Russian Machine Will Even Offer A Bold Prediction: We will be excited to see who will be named Captain in the coming days (Alex Ovechkin For Kapitan!!!) and receive the instant gratification of refocusing the team after soundly defeating the Montreal Canadiens on Tuesday Night. Okay guys, make it happen!

By Ian Oland 14 years ago

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The Winter Classic And Mike Green’s Geico Commercial

If you were like me today, you spent your New Year’s the only way you know how, by watching hockey and drinking like you were 18 again. Yes, the NHL’s Third Annual Winter Classic was showcased today by our friends at NBC (we never forget Milbury), this time at Boston’s Legendary Fenway Park. The Philadelphia Flyers (and their ~~fat and overweight~~ ~~dirty~~ cheese-steak eating fans) made the trip up I-95 to play the Boston Bruins in a game ~~for the ages~~ that maybe had 8 good minutes of hockey.

What was the best part of the Winter Classic you ask? Well, beyond James Taylor’s stunning rendition of the National Anthem, it was definitely the debut of two commercials featuring prominent Capitals players. Mike Green made his acting debut and appeared in the Geico Commericial shown above (via gfcaps fan on japers), and Alex Ovechkin, Niklas Backstrom and cleverly edited extras wearing the #52 and #21 were in a Verizon Wireless Commercial shown here. Awesome.

I asked Peter, one of our lead writers, which commericial he liked best:

“The Washington Capitals’ invitation to the Winter Classic might have been lost in the mail, but the boys crashed it anyway. There’s the elegiac Verizon Wireless commercial that most everyone fawned over, but I really prefer Mike Green’s GEICO spot.

See, this commercial has everything I love. For starters, there’s Canada’s best defenseman, Mike Green. Plus those stupid cavemen get that institutional racism played out against them once more. Hijinx! Granted, I think GreenLife52 could benefit from a bit of the Stanislavsky method, but I still love this. NBC says we can’t be on a national hockey game? Listen up, Costas. Money talks.”

But see, I think he – like many other Capitals fans – were just wildly excited to see our players in commercials in general. And yeah, man. That’s sweet. I’m pumped too. We’re finally getting the recognition we deserve. But if you really watch the Geico Commercial and are looking at it from a fresh perspective, you notice that the Mike Green shown in this clip has about as much personality as a bag of potatoes. Okay, okay, I’m being too hard on him. He had as much personality as that creepy stack of money with the googley eyes.

Though, to be fair, his acting was 180 times better than whoever played the Geico Caveman.

But what do you guys think? Was Greener’s first commercial a huge success or a total letdown? Let us know and vote below:

poll by twiigs.com

By Ian Oland 14 years ago

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Russian Machine Sometimes Breaks: Your Pregame List of Excuses in Case We Lose to the Sharks

The late start (10pm) of tonight’s west-coast game may preclude any recap before today becomes tomorrow, so the boys and I decided to lower your expectations in advance.

The Caps got smacked pretty good by the Hurricanes on Monday night. The boys looked lazy and disjointed. It’s been a tumultuous week on and off the ice, so we’re going to rattle off a bunch of excuses in case the team somehow manages to lose to the best team in the NHL, the San Jose Sharks.

Goalie drama. Tarik El-Bashir, Washington’s only remaining hockey-beat reporter, assures us that Little Mikey Neuvirth will start in goal this evening. His backup, Jose Theodore, is 10 years his senior. Theodore racked up a career-best 41 saves just two months ago, but has since been uneven in goal. Bruce Boudreau may now lack confidence in the netminder. I’d be dubious, too, as the guy was once hooking up with Paris Hilton. It doesn’t help that Semyon Varlamov has recovered from some early season miscues and revealed himself as an Olympic-level keeper. Once Varly returns from Hershey and his bout with crotch rot, we may have one of those classic sitcom scenarios on our hands.

Today we learned that Mike Green was not selected for Canada’s Olympic hockey team. This is only the latest in a long line of poor decisions for Canada (giving Alanis Morissette a microphone, slicing bacon too thick, letting Michael J. Fox leave the country), and one they will likely regret. The guy is the number-one scoring defenseman in the league right now. I mean– what else could Team Canada possibly want in a defender other than goal-scoring? Russian Machine worries for Greenie’s bruised ego, and has begun a Twitter campaign to make him feel better and also invade Canada.

Boyd Gordon isn’t playing tonight. Stop the f$#&ing presses.

Jason Chimera will be joining the Caps lineup this evening. The left winger from Columbus is expected to join the second line, perhaps taking (Olympian) Tomas Fleischman’s spot as he moves to center. Will the lineup and personnel shake-ups bring chaos to the team tonight? Will Chimera be welcomed into the team with open arms? Will Al Koken pronounce his name wrong? We can guarantee only that one of the questions will be answered, “yes.”

Alexander Semin left the ice mid-shift on Monday complaining of an injury. He later returned to the ice, but not before raising some questions about his wellbeing. Russian Machine has a vested interest in the Siberian kicking ass. We were willing to let it slide that he refuses to learn the language, but only so long as he plays games and handles the puck he’s freaking Legolas out there. If Alexander has re-injured his wrist, Russian Machine will demand he refund a portion his 6-million dollar contract extension — paid to us. We will accept payment in Green Turtle pub fries.

Lastly, the Caps are playing a team with a five-game winning streak. For contrast, the boys are on a zero-game winning streak. We lost — badly I might add — to the Carolina Hurricanes. That’s not quite as bad as the Harlem Globetrotters losing to the Atlantic City Seagulls, but it’s still pretty bad. If the Sharks manage to outscore the Caps tonight, blame it on momentum.

We’re now three hours out from tonight’s first puck drop. You have the option of bucking up, quixotically rooting for a win; or you can be like me and dispense with that pollyanna nonse: drink yourself into the last, glorious stupor of 2009 whilst the Caps get the Caps beat out of ’em.

Cheers!

By Peter Hassett 14 years ago

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Canes Whip Caps 6-3

Bruce Boudreau and Friends Look In Horror as Caps Lose 6-3

Ovechkin nets two points, yet Caps fall 6-3 (Photos via Heather Mabb)

Ovechkin nets two points (1g 1a), yet Caps fall meekly to bottom-dwelling Hurricanes 6-3 (Photos via Heather Mabb)

Gah! On pixel this looked like an easy match up. The Caps, second in the NHL and well atop the Southeast, should be able to lay down the smack on the last-place Canes for the third time this season. That sure as hell did not happen– as the Canes bested the Caps 6-3 and handed the home team their first loss inside the division all season. You could blame it on the distractions from today’s trade, a consistently incompetent defensive squad, or Jose Theodore’s top-heavy prettiness:goalstopping ratio; but the Caps got beat all around the phone booth tonight.

In a somber mood and somewhat nauseated from hot wings, let’s break it down:

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By Peter Hassett 14 years ago

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Caps Stomp Devils 4-1 In A Total Team Effort

The east coast seems to have all the NHL talent these days, so when two titans like the Caps and the Devils meet, we’re in for a good game. The two division champions have met three times already this season, and the Devils bested the Caps each time– dammit. When the puck dropped last night, the sold-out Verizon Center and dozens of fans across the Comcast SportsNet viewing area held their breath, wondering if we were to lose another to NJD …or if the real Capitals team would show up. Glancing up at the scoreboard in the waning minutes of the third period and seeing a 4-1, we can report with some certainty that it was the Stanley Cup contender Caps on the ice tonight.

Everybody gets a present tonight:

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By Peter Hassett 14 years ago

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A Capitals Christmas

Merry Christmas from Terry Dobbins, Mike Green and the 7 Raccoons That Perished to Make That Hat

Merry Christmas Eve from everyone here at Russian Machine Never Breaks! As our writers disperse across the state to spend time with their respective families, we wanted to thank you for welcoming us into the Capitals Diaspora with open arms and giving us a chance to entertain you for the last two weeks.

To give back, tomorrow on Christmas Day, we wanted to release to you some true stories and artwork that warmed our cold, Russian hearts and made us believe that the Christmas spirit of giving is still alive and well.

While we are away chugging alcoholic eggnog, dropping our mitts and fighting our in-laws, we wanted you to get on Twitter and let the Russian Machine know, what’s the best thing about Caps Fans? ie: @russianmachine The Best Thing About #Caps Fans is… [your answer]

We’ll post some of the best answers tomorrow! Take care and have a Merry Christmas!

By Ian Oland 14 years ago

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Domination in Denver: Caps beat Avs 6-1

There’s a Mike Green-shaped stain on the glass at Denver tonight.

The Capitals’ 6-1 domination over the Avalanches shouldn’t be reduced to a single nasty hit, but our journalistic spidey sense tells us that if it bleeds, it ledes. We’ve worried in the past that the team depends too much on Mike Green‘s ice presence, and perhaps other teams are starting to notice, too. In a moment of impotent rage, 240-pound David Koci smeared D-man Greenie into the glass. The poor man’s Chris Cooley did not get up for some time, and did not return to the ice. Russian Machine Never Breaks World Headquarters (located several stories beneath the Green Turtle in historic downtown Frederick) is outfitted with a dedicated, secure phone line for a situations just like this. As soon the Green phone rings, we’ll update you.

What else happened tonight? The Caps beat the living snow out of Colorado.

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By Peter Hassett 14 years ago

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Tovarich! Caps Defeat Canes in OT 4-3 With Green Game Winner

Lesson learned: Don’t split up the Ruskies.

You knew the plot already. Mike Knuble‘s return to active play had an ill portent for the Ovechkin-Backstrom-Semin (Please don’t call them the “Young Guns”) line. It turned out that Bruce Boudreau decided to demote the “lesser” Alexander to the second line with Morrison and Laich. (Russian Machine cannot abide.) After 30 lackluster minutes and a two-goal deficit, our esteemed coach must have noticed that Semin was unhappy and that Ovie’s line could not gain traction. Wisely, Boudreau restored the top line, The Care Bears (adorable, snuggly, have magical powers– get it???). Not 3 minutes later, Alexander Semin produced his first goal of the night. Cooperation among comrades!

Alexander would go on to score another before the 2nd period was out and would maintain a menacing presence in front of the Canes net all night. Semin was joined in goals by Tomas Fleischmann, who wisely took a shot rather than pass to Ovie; and Mike Green, whose overtime goal – which led the Caps to a 4-3 OT win over the Carolina Hurricanes – redeemed the shorty giveaway he made possible late in the third.

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By Peter Hassett 14 years ago

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